Thursday, July 9, 2009

banana pancakes..

this post is being co-brought to you by our next-door neighbor who mows his lawn wearing John Stockton's rookie basketball shorts (a belt would be roomier) and the guy i saw in Gold's Gym shaving his scrotum in the shower..

as payback to our neighbor for subjecting us to such torture, i like to sit in the hot tub and get drunk, then in mid-soak, go jump on their trampoline and swing on their swing set.. the punishment doesn't really fit the crime but i feel sunbathing nude while he mows the lawn might be over the top..

recently the house has been falling apart.. a couple weeks ago, the water heater sprung a leak which caused our hot water to go on the 2-day disabled list which was quickly followed by the air conditioner deciding to die in the middle of the night with high-pitched squeals, allowing Robert and i to meet in the kitchen in our underwear and take turns hitting it as hard as possible.. one bright spot in the whole ordeal was me being forced to go to the gym if i wanted a hot shower.. put it this way, in 2 months as a member of Gold's, i've seen twice as many hot-girls-i'll-never-speak-to as i did at Anytime Fitness.. Anytime was apparently the Embers of the workout world.. only elderly women in the morning, only overweight women at night.. this is a true story: i was doing some work on one of the muscles i'm severely lacking in (can't remember which one), but when i finished my lifting, i sat up on the bench and looked directly into the eyes of some blonde girl on a treadmill that i immediately knew i'd tell my roommates about later.. and she was looking at me.. so i kept looking at her for what seemed like a week and a half but probably was more like 2.7 seconds.. so naturally i scratch the muscle-building part of my workout and proceed to the cardio session.. as proof there is a God, the machine which offered me the perfect view of the Twins game AND her ass at the same time was unoccupied.. i'm about three minutes into my run when i realize somethings different than when i usually run.. finally i figure out what it is.. i was so preoccupied with looking at her butt that i forgot to turn my iPod on.. so i'm running with headphones in and listening to absolutely nothing.. the lesson, as always: i'm an idiot..

okay, so enough looking for Osama bin Laden.. someone has to catch the fucking sock monster in our dryer that makes me come out with an odd amount every fucking time.. i'm about ready to set up a hidden camera in the laundry room to catch him in the act.. tell me MTV wouldn't air that.. besides, it's gotta be better than the 13 stations that show poker on TV at any given time.. why don't we have colleges compete in drinking games or something entertaining?.. who wouldn't sit down on a non-descript Thirsty Thursday to watch Arizona State defeat Wisconsin in Presidents and Assholes?? i'll tell you who, nobody..

if you name your son Lenny, he's going to grow up to be a mechanic or serial killer.. 50/50 chance.. weigh the positives/negatives: free car care OR possible death by socket wrench.. act accordingly..

nearly saw a human being start on fire last Friday.. it was a holiday for me since the 4th was on Saturday, so the day started with golf, proceeded to dinner at Granite City and ended in the garage of a friend of a friend.. we went there to watch the Twins game, they had set up a TV and a bunch of chairs in the garage.. the game turned into a 16-inning marathon and people got tired of watching Delmon Young not being able to hit a beach ball with a canoe paddle, so after being entertained by a text message conversation that one of the girls was having with a gentleman named "Dwight" who she had never met, we decided to start a fire in the driveway with one of those fire pit things.. apparently none of the men present had Boy Scout experience because the fire quickly died out ("rub the sticks together", i suggest).. and what do you do when a fire dies out? pour gas on it! a few of the guys were standing around the fire pit, i was still sitting in the garage probably exchanging recipes with the gals.. the owner of the house gets out the gas can and pours a bit of it into the fire pit.. all of a sudden, i hear my roommate Josh say "umm, that's on fire" as calm and jovial as a human about to witness a death can say.. one of the guys still in the garage yells "yes!!" and pumps his fist as he sees the can go up in flames.. securing his nomination in the "World's Dumbest Move of 2009", the holder of the gas can begins to blow on it.. flames erupt as the gas can is hurled towards 5 parked cars in the street.. with the can landing in the front lawn and fewer than 2 people suffering 3rd degree burns over 80% of their body, everyone has a good laugh (no one was hurt, thankfully).. Dwight would have gotten a kick out of that..

Text of the Week

roommate Mike: "was that a plane or semi that hit the house last night?"
me: "i think Danny got drunk and rode a toboggan down the steps"

in actuality, three of the housemates (myself included) had off work the next day and got fairly drunk for a Wednesday night.. we ended up rearranging some furniture around 2:00 a.m., much to the delight of our roommates sleeping downstairs..


this isn't funny but it's cute so i'm going to add it.. i recently had a birthday, and our family isn't the kind that says "i love you" or things like that.. we know everyone loves each other, obviously, but it goes unsaid.. so, like every year, my twin sister and i got a card from our Mom that she signs for both her and our Dad saying "happy 26th birthday, love you".. that was expected.. when i went out to my parents the Sunday after, my normal Sunday routine, my Dad handed me a card as i was walking out the door.. i got in my car, started it and opened it.. "Your The Best.. Dad" is what it said, and the spelling error is accurate.. i seriously got misty-eyed and just sat there for a few minutes because it's something we rarely see..

i've done some traveling for work and have been lucky because the two cities i've been close to are two of the major cities in the U.S. (Boston and Chicago).. Not only that but they are home to the two oldest major league baseball parks in the nation, so as a baseball fan i enjoyed being able to see them in person.. well, next month is taking me to Grove City, Ohio, barring a last minute change of plans.. hopefully i can catch a Ohio State Buckeyes co-ed softball game or something..

one of my favorite shows on television right now is "16 And Pregnant" on MTV.. it blows my mind how stupid people can be, and it makes me that much more in favor of people needing to pass tests to keep their children.. one "baby daddy" proposed to his "baby mama" using a ring he bought at Walmart for $24.37ish and asked what their return policy was.. that's so classic.. 16 years old and having a baby?? here's what i was worried about when i was 16: not failing my drivers test for a third time, already failing once within 15 seconds for running over a cone; not missing "Friends" on Thursdays; finding anything to make my acne less noticeable, usually in my sisters makeup drawer; not getting an erection during Public Speaking; not getting an erection during Phy Ed.; not getting an erection while dancing arms-length apart with a girl at those cafeteria dances; whether or not the Rock was going to beat Stone Cold Steve Austin at Wrestlemania; not forgetting my locker combination while being late for class; whether the Vikings were going to go 15-1 again and then shit the bed in the playoffs; "IMing" hotties on the Internet; leading the 10th grade boys basketball team in three-pointers and Minutes Browsing Bleachers for Girls I'd Make Out With (MBBGIMOW in your scorebook).. notice how "impregnating a classmate" isn't listed? i know people make mistakes but even at 16 you should be smart enough to not have a baby.. if protection was used, i take all this back, evidently everyone in high school was having sex except me.. i've said this before, condoms may not feel as "heaven-like" as going without one but it sure feels a lot better than getting up in the middle of the night five times while sleeping next to someone you hate.. it also feels better than writing a child support check every month or two weeks or whatever the hell it is.. one of my favorite exchanges between a "couple" on that show went like this:

girl (while holding baby): "what are you doing tonight?"
guy: "going out with (insert douchebag friends here), what are you doing?"
girl (shocked that he asked that): "staying home with Bentley, i guess"

i'll avoid the jokes about the baby's name but it's awesome that he thought she could do anything other than stay home at that point.. like the 4 month-old kid could just be put on the couch in front of a "Dora The Explorer" movie or whatever it is they make for boy babies these days.. that's the worst part, is that usually the guy underestimates his role in the situation, like it's less his fault.. whatever, just keep having those babies, kids.. it's fun to watch..

our roommate Danny is a pretty big hockey fan, Robert and i are bandwagon guys and Josh and Mike hate it.. anyway, hockey free agency is in full swing, so when Danny tells us that "the Wild signed Jamie Frasor" or "we should get Dany Heatley", we like to say things like "never heard of her" or "is he one of the Bash Brothers?" (from "Mighty Ducks" if you're confused).. it's fun to see him get fired up about hockey and tell us things we couldn't care less about..

this came to me while i was watching the Timberwolves draft 152 point guards in the NBA draft: i want a dating profile of me to be written by the same guys who are NBA or NFL draft analysts on ESPN.. "great potential", "long", "hard worker", "excels in tight spaces", "astounding hip movement", "never winded", "looks great with his shirt off", "uses both hands", "excellent ball skills", "fills the gap well", "explodes through the hole", "superb finisher"..

by the way, this sentence was actually said during the NBA draft: "Blake Griffin can finish with either hand".. AWESOME!! i'm 26..


saw a commercial for some depression medicine the other night.. it was about 10 seconds of telling you that this medicine will make you feel better and 50 seconds telling you about all the side effects that could occur with that medicine: weight gain, blurred vision, dry mouth, urinary retention, abdominal pain, nausea, agitation, yellowing of the eyes, loss of libido, etc.. really? this stuff isn't going to make you depressed? "take this medicine, it will make you feel so much better, other than the bleeding of the gums, hair loss and random seizures"..

R.I.P. Billy Mays.. who's going to scare me awake to attempt to sell me that combination mop/back scratcher/nose hair clipper at 2:30 a.m.??


Men's Health Tips of the Week

23 Ways to Be the Man She Wants

1. You can put down the weights and the protein shakes. You might want us to be perfect looking; we simply want you not to be fat.

2. Replace all of those hideous size-extra-large T-shirts with something that actually sort of fits. We think you might be a medium.

3. Never allow anyone who listens to baseball on the radio to cut your hair.

4. Purchase sheets that don't contain polyester and that are white.

5. Blue Book value isn't everything. Take the money you were going to spend putting the backseat DVD theater in your Honda and buy a nice pair of shoes.

6. We don't care what the plan is. Just have one.

7. Candles. They are so cheap and they are so effective.

8. When you give her a gift, include a card. You can spend less on the gift if you write something nice. Don't buy a card with a message in it, unless you're dating Danielle Steele.

9. She arrives home from work eager for attention. You arrive home from work eager for several beers and the Simpsons-King of the Hill hour. The moment you come home, hug her, look into her eyes, and say that you're happy to see her. This simple gesture, done with sincerity, will earn you lots of time on the couch.

10. Buy covered garbage cans for your kitchen and bathroom. They hide stuff we don't want to know about anyway.

11. Make a list entitled "Intolerable Behavior from Women," and when you see it happening, speak up. Let us know you won't be around no matter what, and we'll want to keep you.

12. Drive a stick shift. Men look ineffectual driving automatics.

13. Never utter the phrase, "I know I'm no Brad Pitt/Denzel Washington." You're a guy. Merely acting like you think you're hot makes you hot. Be grateful, because women actually have to be hot to be hot.

14. Short sleeves are for golf only; sandals are for Jesus only.

15. When a woman asks you to accompany her to a wedding or a family event, R.S.V.P. within 24 hours. If you find that you can't commit, do everyone a favor and break it off.

16. Stop operating on the in-trouble/not-in-trouble paradigm. Just because we're not yelling at you doesn't mean everything is okay.

17. If you're late, call.

18. Brush your teeth a lot.

19. Realize that if you "keep forgetting" to trim your nose hairs, we will "keep forgetting" to initiate sex.

20. If your television is of a size such that it is regularly commented on, hide it in a cabinet. You might have a penchant for a) sloth, b) passivity, or c) tuning out the world, but she need not be reminded of this every time she walks into your living room.

21. You might not know what she wants you to get her for her birthday, but her friends do. Ask them.

22. When we are together, sometimes we are occupied with tasks—closing a window, putting on a new CD, petting the cat—that cause us to focus our gaze elsewhere. May we suggest these windows of time as the most favorable for scratching your balls.

23. Buy a Swiffer and use it. They come in dry (living room) and wet (kitchen and bathroom). Wash your dishes. Pick up your clothes. Swiff. She'll think you're a responsible adult.


Make Her Fantasies Come True

Most women aren't very good at asking for what they want, especially in the beginning of a relationship. And by "beginning," I mean anywhere from the first night to the first 2 years. For one thing, we're hopelessly romantic. We imagine that the right guy will instinctively grant us every sexual favor we've ever fantasized about, without our having to say anything. Ridiculous, sure, but a girl can dream.

Also—trust me here—we dread being perceived as high maintenance. We see how put out you guys are by the idea of phoning us once a day or escorting us to a cousin's wedding. So asking for 45 uninterrupted minutes of cunnilingus seems outrageous.

The good news is that we are fantasizing about sex. (Wow—you, too?) And we will get around to requesting our favors just as soon as we feel comfortable and confident enough. If your partner isn't there yet, let me give you an idea of what those favors might be—maybe you can coax them out of her. Speaking on behalf of my gender, I wish you'd . . .

1. Shower before bed.
Seeing you emerge from a steamy bathroom with droplets of water clinging to your biceps makes me want to dry you off with my tongue. That includes all those soft, warm, sensitive places—but only when they're Zestfully clean.

2. Talk dirtier.
Much dirtier. Trot out a variety of nasty words one night, and if I grunt and moan in agreement, kick it up a notch. When I respond with total silence, dial it back down.

3. Mow the lawn in jeans and no shirt so I can play desperate housewife from the window.
Then come inside smelling of fresh-cut grass, sweat, and pheromones, and make love to me on the dining-room table.

4. Ask me to perform yoga poses naked.
I've been preparing for it every week while bent over and staring through my legs at the mirror on the yoga-studio wall. This is not a performance I'll volunteer for. I need a little encouragement, goading even, but I will give in. And you'll especially like the views when I'm in camel pose and standing bow.

5. Slide your hand up my skirt when you're following me upstairs.

6. Confess your latest sexual fantasy.
But say that you did this with/to me in a dream. That'll allow me to maintain the illusion that it isn't something you used to do with an ex-hookup, or an idea you picked up from porn. I might not agree to reenact it, but hearing about it will make me feel like your naughty little confidante, which is very hot. Bonus: It'll give me the courage to tell you mine.

7. Read up on sex.
There are books on boinking that are worth the embarrassment of buying them. Like Ian Kerner's She Comes First, for example. It's a guide to giving oral sex so well that your partner will insist on cooking you blueberry pancakes the next morning. Yes, you're an amazing lover already, but Kerner has a Ph.D. for a reason.

8. Ambush me in the shower and direct a strong stream of warm water precisely at my clitoris. Adjust your aim even as I giggle and squirm around the tub. I've done this by myself, plenty of times, but having you do it to me is way sexier and a hundred times more fun.

9. Make your move the second we walk in the door.
Or while we're still in the hallway. I don't know what, if anything, happened between Benicio Del Toro and Scarlett Johansson in that elevator, but if Del Toro acted as if having sex with her right then and there was the only reason he was put on this planet, I could understand if she obliged. When a guy lusts after me so urgently that he can't even wait the 90 seconds it takes to get to the bed, it makes me feel like a movie star.

10. Ask to take black-and-white photos of me naked.
I want you to, but I'm not so cocky as to suggest that my body could be a work of art. That's why I need you to do it for me. Bring it up after we've had sex. Tell me that the curve of my hips needs to be immortalized. Then, one rainy Saturday night, produce a bottle of wine and a camera.

11. Treat sex like a buffet.
Take breaks during intercourse to go back for appetizers. Too often, making out, manual stimulation, and breast caressing get cast aside when the more serious stuff starts. But without generous amounts of all three from start to finish, the female orgasm is infinitely harder to achieve.

12. Sit back on your heels from the missionary position and caress my legs slowly, from ankle to thigh. When you take the time to stroke my body thoughtfully during sex, it lets me know that you're savoring the experience as something meaningful to you.

13. Buy more of those snug, gray boxers with the buttons on the crotch. I want to work them open with my teeth.

14. Kiss me in front of your friends or coworkers and slip me the tiniest bit of tongue. They'll think we have a smokin' sex life. Other women will wish they had a guy like you. That will make me feel very lucky, and very horny.

15. Get me drunk on champagne, prop me up on the hood of your car, and eat me like an apple.

16. Reward me for folding your T-shirts and cleaning the drain by making one long night of sex all about me. Light a candle. Rub massage oil on my body, back and front, shoulders to toes. Next, bring me close to orgasm using just your hands. Then your tongue. Then pull me on top so I can orchestrate the finale myself.

17. Watch me shave my legs.
Offer to help me shave other places.

18. Maneuver me into 69 at least once a month. Sometimes with me on top, sometimes you. Sometimes on our sides. And, at least once in our lives—when you've been lifting and I'm at my lightest weight—standing up with my thighs on top of your shoulders.


11 Ways to Calm Down an Angry Woman

Yes, 1.5 million women are physically assaulted by their partners every year, but so are 835,000 men, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Next time your little honeybee turns mad as a hornet, here's how to stop the buzzing before her fire turns to fight. You've already tried pretending to be invisible, right? How'd that work?

1. Lower Your Thermostat
Whatever you do, don't get angry. Surprisingly enough, she won't consider it righteous; she'll just get more pissed off, and a little self-righteous besides. If you feel yourself heating up, just remember that "she can't make you angry," says Paul Hauck, Ph.D., an Illinois psychologist and author of How to Cope with People Who Drive You Crazy and Overcoming Frustration and Anger. "And you didn't make her feel angry. She did. You may be responsible for her problem, but not her emotional reaction."

2. Don't Feed Her Data
"A man generally tries to win an argument by coming up with facts that are totally meaningless to her," says Michael Staver, the author of 21 Ways to Defuse Anger and Calm People Down. "She filters that as being disrespectful and not listening, which ticks her off all the more."

3. Own Up . . . Maturely
"If you're wrong, just admit it," says Staver. "But don't do it in a condescending way."

4. Tune In
"If she has a big problem," says Hauck, "you'd better listen." And don't wait till swords are drawn. Like an orgasm, anger follows a bell curve—at the top you're completely out of your mind. So if you're seeing signs of frustration (a sigh or roll of the eyes), you'd better start listening quick, for the apex is near and things are about to go downhill fast.

5. Take a Step Back
"You don't have to agree," says Staver. "But acknowledge her perceptions as real. It shows that you respect her." Often, her anger is triggered because she believes something's 1) unfair, 2) out of her control, or 3) a personal attack. Address these concerns.

6. Assert Your Eyes
If you can't make eye contact, it means you're becoming angry. But if you can, it shows you're listening. Psychologists have seen a classic pattern in marital fights: The wife gets mad, the husband shuts down, the wife goes nuts. You shut down because you want to avoid a battle, but she thinks you're avoiding (here comes that dreaded word) intimacy.

7. Get Engaged
Ask questions. "It shows you're listening, and it implies you want to listen to her more," says Staver.

8. Hit the Road—Together
Taking a walk may sound dumb, but it's actually a neat trick. Physically, you just got her to move with you, rather than against you. "Taking a walk is calming," says Susan Heitler, a Denver clinical psychologist and author of The Power of Two. If the argument reaches crisis mode, however, remove yourself from the situation until it's clear the ranting is over.

9. Use Magic Phrases
Heitler suggests three: Yes, I agree. You're right. I'm sorry. Nothing disarms an attacker faster than taking her side. So find something, anything, to agree on. We're not suggesting you cave in, but find some small plot of common ground.

10. Use Anger as a Meter
Heitler compares anger to a Geiger counter—it can alert you to a problem. "What it's not good for," she quickly adds, "is solving a problem."

11. Set Limits
"You get the behavior you tolerate," says Hauck. If her rage is a little too melodramatic, a little too frequent, a little too abusive, you want to give her exactly two chances to change, he says.


Real Women's Tips for Better Sex

87 percent of the women we polled said they're happy to coach their men through sex. We asked them to start.

1. Explore the Unexplored
"There are still a lot of erogenous spots he hasn't found—behind my knees, inside my elbow, my ankles, and more." —Veronica, 41

2. Crank Up the Volume
"I love hearing him enjoying himself. It's how I know I'm doing it right. Let go and I will, too." —Crystal, 29

3. Embrace Technology
"Just because I want to use sex toys with him doesn't mean he's doing something wrong." —Erika, 28

4. Follow Through
"Sometimes when I'm almost ready to climax and I'm moaning a lot, he gets excited and takes it as a sign to change position. That kills the orgasm, and I have to start all over again." —Kim, 26

5. Watch with Her
"Certain kinds of porn really turn me on, even girl-on-girl. I want him to watch with me." —Amanda, 29

6. Mix It Up
"I really love sex, but not when it's a routine. Make it feel fresh—do it in the morning instead of before bed . . . or even better, in the middle of the day. Take a long lunch break! That's a thrill." —Anna, 20

7. Be Detail Oriented
"A random kiss on the back of my neck can turn me on more than an hour of foreplay does." —Stayce, 43

8. Start the Conversation
"I'm willing to be much more adventurous, but I can't find the words to tell him that." —Ashley, 27

9. Show Her Your Passion
"All he has to do to bring me to orgasm is look into my eyes. Emotion pushes me." —Amy, 33

10. Play Rough with Her
"I wish one day he'd come home from work, throw me on the bed (or floor, or furniture) and ravage me rough." —Michelle, 34

11. Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues
"Certain things suddenly feel great. So when I move your hands somewhere, keep them there!" —Jasmine, 24

12. Dominate Her
"I like it when he leads. I'm in control during my day, and I want a break from that." —Mayaan, 27


Lyrics of the Week

"Then" by Brad Paisley

I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you
You had me mezmorized
And three weeks later, in the front porch light
taking forty-five minutes to kiss goodnight
I hadn't told you yet
but I thought I loved you then

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

And i remember, taking you back to right where I first met you,
You were so surprised
There were people around, but I didn't care
Got down on one knee right there once again,
I thought I loved you then

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

I could just see you, with a baby on the way
And I could just see you, when your hair is turning gray
What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more
But I've said that before

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say
And I thought I loved you then
And I thought I loved you then


"Whatever It Is" by Zac Brown Band

she got eyes that cut you like a knife
and lips that taste like sweet red wine
and her pretty legs go to heaven every time
she got a gentle way that puts me at ease
when she walks in the room I can hardly breathe
got a devestating smile, knock a grown man to his knees

she got whatever it is
it blows me away
shes everything I wanna say to a woman but I couldn't find the words to say
she got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
cuz everytime I try to tell her how I feel it comes out I love you
you got whatever it is

You know I never been the type that would ever wanna stay
bring 'em home at night then they're gone the next day
but that all changed when she walked into my life
and people ask me what it is tell them I don't know
just something 'bout the woman make my heart go haywire
she's gonna be my wife

she got whatever it is
it blows me away
shes everything I wanna say to a woman but I couldn't find the words to say
she got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
cuz everytime I try to tell her how I feel it comes out I love you
you got whatever it is

Cuz when you love me
girl thats how I feel
cuz when you love me
I'm on top of the world
cuz when you love me
I can live forever
cuz when you love me
I am untouchable

she got whatever it is
it blows me away
shes everything I wanna say to a woman but I couldn't find the words to say
she got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
cuz everytime I try to tell her how I feel it comes out I love you, I do
you got whatever it is

Ooooh you got whatever it is


"I'll Just Hold On" by Blake Shelton

I can taste your kiss on my lips
And I'm wrapped around your finger tips
As I watch the moonlight dancing on your skin
Your green eyes and the sweet red wine
Go to my head girl every time
And I get drunk on you
I lose control and then
And here I go again

I'm falling for you even though I know your only playing with my heart
Tomorrow might be hell
But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all
And I can't help myself
So I'll just hold on
I'll just hold on
I'll just hold on
Until your gone

Girl I know you're a gypsy soul
And I'm just a stop along your road
And you hang around long enough to blow my mind
If I had a star for every scar
You tattooed on my heart
I could fill up the Oklahoma sky
So girl I don't know why

I'll just hold on
I'll just hold on
I'll just hold on
Till your gone

I look down and my cell phone rings
And I see your name and I know what that means
But I don't care
I'll just hold on
Till your gone

Everytime you leave I take it hard
Seeing you go just breaks my heart
I don't care
I'll just hold on
Till your gone

Your green eyes and that sweet red wine
Go to my head girl every time
But I don't care
I'll just hold on
Till your gone


"Rush Together" by Quietdrive

They grew up in the same old town
Never knowing the other was around
Read from the same damn books
Never gave each other looks
But one day the sun will shine
I know
For their eyes have told me so
Chasing advice from those who say I've lost my mind

Rush together
To find each other
Now it's too late
You can never wait for luck
Together playing the same instrument
That you still can't hear at all.

So that's how the story goes, so far
I'll tell you the rest, but now
I'm tired of what I think
A situation where I can't sing
But I hate the vagrant life
I know
Nothing has been more told, 'til now
Living my life after those who say I've lost my mind

Rush together
To find each other
Now it's too late
You can never wait for luck
Together playing the same instrument
That you still can't hear at all.

So what do you say
So what do you say
Can we turn this clock back
Thirteen years and relate?
I won't mind, can we stay
But isn't it fate?
But isn't it fate,
That we spill our guts out
On this very day?
I don't mind
I want to
I want to
Stay


"Ready When You Are" by Trapt

Are you having trouble keeping up?
Seeing this thing through?
I want to know who you're running from,
Me or you?
You're too confused to open up,
Feel the way I do
I want to know who you're thinking of
Cause I really have no clue

Another game of charades
Don't you know everybody plays?
I don't want to lose to you that way
Maybe we'll be different this time around
Maybe we'll be different I don't know
Don't want to strangle this, so I'm holding back for now

Calm down, don't take it too far
I know only time can heal scars
So I'm ready when you are, when you are
I'm ready when you are
Don't want any false starts
I can do without the time apart
So I'm ready when you are, when you are
I'm ready when you are

Are you having trouble keeping up?
You know that I will wait
I wonder if it's good enough
To make you stay
You're too confused to open up
You don't know what to say
Well you can tell me if you think it's love
I won't be far away

Another game of charades
Don't you know everybody plays?
I don't want to lose to you that way
Maybe we'll be different this time around
Maybe we'll be different I don't know
Don't want to strangle this, so I'm holding back for now

Calm down, don't take it too far
I know only time can heal scars
So I'm ready when you are, when you are
I'm ready when you are
Tied down
Don't want any false starts
I can do without the time apart
So I'm ready when you are, when you are
I'm ready when you are

I want to know if you're thinking of me
I'll be counting the hours even though I know I'm free
Too soon to take a chance
No more questions left to ask
I could be anything, but the one thing I'm not sure you want to be

Calm down, don't take it too far
I know only time can heal scars
So I'm ready when you are, when you are
I'm ready when you are
Don't want any false starts
I can do without the time apart
So I'm ready when you are, when you are
I'm ready when you are

Calm down, don't take it too far
I know only time can heal scars
So I'm ready when you are, when you are
I'm ready when you are
Calm down
Don't want any false starts
I can do without the time apart
So I'm ready when you are, when you are
I'm ready when you are

Calm down, I'm ready when you are


"Wait For Me" by Theory of a Deadman

You are not alone tonight
Imagine me there by your side
It's so hard to be here so far away from you
I'm counting the days till
I'm finally done
I'm counting them down, yeah, one by one
It feels like forever till I return to you
But it helps me on those lonely nights
It's that one thing that keeps me alive

Knowing that you wait for me
Ever so patiently

No one else knows the feeling inside
We hang up the phone without saying goodnight
Because it's the sound of your voice that brings me home
It's never been easy to say
But it's easier when I've gone away

Knowing that you wait for me
Ever so patiently
Yeah, you're everything I've ever dreamed of having and
It's everything I need from you just knowing that you wait for me

What I'd give
What I'd do
Knowing I'm not there for you
Makes it so hard to leave
What I'd give
What I'd do
Anything to get me home to you
And this time I'll stay

And you wait for me
Ever so patiently
Yeah, you're everything I've ever dreamed of having and
It's everything I need from you just knowing that you wait for me


"Not Meant To Be" by Theory of a Deadman

It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between what you wanted from me
And knowing that if I give that to you
I might just disappear

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind
I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe
That's theres no way out for you and me
And it seems to be the story of our lives

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

There's still time to turn this around
You could be building this up instead of tearing it down
But I keep thinking
Maybe it's too late

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, baby I'm sorry to see
Maybe we're not meant to be