suck my kiss..

this post is being co-brought to you by guys who shave their legs and girls who don't..

the topic of blind dates was brought up on the radio today when i was listening, and one guy in his late 20's was arguing about how it shouldn't be considered "shallow" to ask for a picture of the girl, or vice versa.. i completely agree.. for one thing, if you're in a bar or wherever, you're not going to approach someone who you're not somewhat attracted to, so why would you sit through a blind date with someone you're not initially attracted to?.. i've always been of the opinion that there has to be some physical attraction for it to have any chance of working.. sure, a good personality can make an average-looking person become above-average, just as a poor personality can make a good-looking person become average.. a woman who was on the radio show as well discussed how she totally believes in soulmates and fate and all that, and how meeting a person can't be explained, you just know you were supposed to.. so, although the guy was skeptical of blind dates, she encouraged him to go on them because he might find that person he's supposed to be with.. bottom line: blind dates are fine if that's what you want but it's not shallow to want to know what the person looks like.. although it's not the most important thing, it's naive to think that they don't matter at all..

also brought up was the debate between Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood.. here's my opinion: Jessica probably has a very, very slight edge in the looks category but if i had the choice of dating one of them i'd pick Carrie, and i have my reasons.. Carrie is a country girl and i imagine her walking around in one of those button-down white shirts tied at the waist, a jean skirt and a cowboy hat, purring with her southern accent that's one of the hottest things ever.. Carrie also seems more low-maintenance, which is huge.. also, it seems like Jessica is a bit shaky when it comes to the whole "speaking" and "making sense" portions of the competition.. then again, she'd probably be too dumb to ever leave me.. this was just hypothetical, by the way..

i like those contests that take place at the halftime of football games that give one lucky fan the chance to win money by doing something impossible.. they'll introduce some 290-pound guy who's going to attempt to kick a 40-yard field goal for $100 million.. meanwhile, he had to have his wife help him get into his football pants.. but to help his chances, they have some guy who was a backup kicker at Northeastern Delaware Community College in 1989 coach him for a week leading up to it.. "okay, remember what we talked about.. don't rush it, hit the ball solid and follow through with your leg.. you can do it".. then he kicks a 3-hopper to the 20-yard line as the crowd boos him mercilessly and the guy in the suit holding the giant check fake consoles the participant while beaming inside because his product just had a 15-minute commercial.. then his wife walks away with that guy.. love that..

have i mentioned that i like Victoria's Secret? if any of you are looking for a Christmas gift for me, consider the giant posters they have in the windows at the store that would fit perfectly on the ceiling of my bedroom.. i should get a job there as a "consultant" and women would have to ask my opinion of anything they try on.. i'd probably work a lot of overtime..

another one of my favorite guys is the guy at the YMCA or local high school gym who's treating a pick-up basketball game like it's the Final Four.. he's all geared up in his sweatbands and $200 kicks and talking trash to 40-year-old accountants that are just trying to lower their cholesterol.. meanwhile, this guy played Division II basketball 3 years ago and is now a personal trainer.. he also doubles as the guy who refuses to call a foul on himself or help anyone up because "it's a man's game".. love that guy..

it doesn't get much funnier than a dad playing ball with his son, just hoping he'll make contact, then the kid gets his Ken Griffey Jr. on and rakes a line drive off dad's marble bag.. that was my favorite clip on "America's Funniest Home Videos".. but the best was the sound effects they played when it happened.. it sure doesn't feel like that "squeezing a clowns nose" sound.. other classics include: people falling down, kids riding their bikes into things, elderly people having their pants fall down (usually while dancing with their spouse who's oblivious to the whole event), fat people being stuck in flotation devices, kids being deathly afraid of Santa, and cats being lit on fire and then drowned.. relax, i'm kidding.. kids being afraid of Santa isn't that funny..

the household plan is to watch "The Strangers" in the near future.. i've heard some people say it's the scariest movie they've seen in years.. so, naturally, i'll be acting all manly about it but secretly saying to myself, "don't scream like a girl, don't scream like a girl, don't scream like a girl".. we're definitely going to wear white masks and sit outside a roommates window afterwards though.. call "America's Funniest Home Videos" and get Bob Saget over here with our million dollars..

heard this Halloween costume idea: put cardboard on your shoulders, then cut a hole in a sheet and put that over your head, then put a lamp on one shoulder and a clock on the other shoulder.. then go up to chicks and tell them you're a "one-night stand".. hilarious right?? that's gotta work better than those "FBI: Female Body Inspector" or "Amateur Gynecologist" shirts.. or to break the ice, you can just go up to any chick and be like, "sooo.. you're a slutty what?".. if you're a female and not dressing slutty, you obviously don't get the spirit of Halloween.. just stay home and hand out candy..

caught an episode of "The Biggest Loser" this week for the first time ever.. it's the show where teams compete to lose the most weight.. although i didn't see it, i have to imagine it's hilarious when they step on the scale and they've gained weight since the last week and then stand there and cry.. on this episode, they all lost weight but people were predicting they'd be 15 pounds lighter and they've lost 2.. then they act all bummed and their ripped trainers tell them stuff like "keep your chins up".. ranks pretty high on the comedy scale..

here are some highlights from Chapters 3 (one-night stands) and 4 (fend off STD's) from the "read this and be really good at sex" book:

- 81% of men in Portugal have had a one-night stand, which leads all countries. Brazil is second at 76% and the United States ranks sixth at 61%. The world average is 58%..

- Women who endorse casual sex are more likely to fantasize about dominating a man, reports a study in the Journal of Sex Research..

- a recent study by the Oxford Hair Foundation predicts that redheads will be extinct by 2100; just 4 percent of the population carries the recessive gene for red hair, which means it's becoming less common with every generation..

- one vigorously misplaced thrust is all it takes to rupture the corposa cavernosa, the elongated "erectile chambers" that run the length of your penis. A complete rupture will require surgery within 24 hours to stanch internal bleeding and reduce the risk of permanent damage. to protect yourself, be especially careful when she's on top. that's the position most likely to cause damage..

- here are a few practices that some people consider "safe".. they're not..

Abstinence: it works, of course- if you can do it. which you usually can, right up until the moment where you can't- and then you'll probably want something a little more reliable on hand..

Withdrawal: withdrawal. doesn't. work. pre-ejaculate contains sperm, and sperm makes babies. any questions?

Continuous Breastfeeding: breastfeeding does have a contraceptive effect, but it's most reliable in the first 6 months postpartum, and then only if she's nursing constantly and a lot. again, explore other alternatives if you're serious about not wanting another child..

- don't' even get us started on people who start having sex, stop, and put on a condom to finish. that's like hollering for defensive help after your man has driven the lane for a layup. if your bits are anywhere near her bits, let alone in them, you should be wearing a condom. you're probably familiar with "pre-ejaculate" (that spot on the front of your boxers when you're really turned on). the longer you're hard, the more pre-ejaculate you produce. problem? for the purposes of disease prevention, a body fluid is a body fluid. and if you're worried about pregnancy, pre-ejaculate contains sperm.. and it just takes one, baby..

- this is such a great trick, we can't imagine why everyone doesn't use it. obviously, one of the real sensations that you're missing out on when you're practicing safe sex is that wonderful wetness that tells you you're home. fake yourself out by adding a tiny drop of lube (a little goes a long way in this instance) inside the condom before you put it on. it heats up delightfully once it's in play, and feels much closer to the real thing..


Lyrics of the Week

"Our Last Night" by Better Than Ezra

We were standing in an empty room
The moonlight was falling
You were holding my hand when the car pulled up for you
And I could have spent a life with you
But those days were over
You were calling my name when your face faded from view

And wasn't it you who told me, the sun would always chase the day?
And wasn't it you who told me

Angels fly in the air tonight
Saying wasn't it just like swimming out on the lake?
And stars collide and the air's alive
Or was it just like those promises that you made
On our last night?

I remember waking up with you
The days doing nothing
You meant more to me then than I think you ever knew.
But you were gonna be a doctor, movie star
A poet at a Nobel seminar
I hope the world never tore that out of you

Cause wasn't it you who told me, the sun would always chase the day?
Yeah wasn't it you who told me

Angels fly in the air tonight
Saying wasn't it just like swimming out on the lake?
And stars collide and the air's alive
Or was it just like those promises that you made
On our last night?

And what ever happened to the things you loved
And the songs we played, and the Indian days
Whatever happened to the things you gave away?
Like Harold and Maude and singing
Like Harold and Maude and singing

I was waving as you drove away
The sunlight was falling
You were writing backwards in a dusty window pane

Angels fly in the air tonight
Saying wasn't it just like swimming out on the lake?
And stars collide and the air's alive
Or was it just like those promises that you made
On our last night?


"There Is" by Boxcar Racer

This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and told you, but you swear you loved me more

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?
Will I shake this off, pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me?
There is

Those notes you wrote me, I've kept them all
I've given a lot of thought on how to write you back this fall
With every single letter in every single word
There will be a hidden message, about a boy that
loves a girl

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?
Will I shake this off, pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me?
There is

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?
Will I shake this off, pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me?

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?
Will I shake this off, pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me?
There is


"Waitin' On A Woman" by Brad Paisley

Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
You waitin' on a woman
I nodded yeah and said how 'bout you
He said son since nineteen fifty-two I've been
Waitin' on a woman

When I picked her up for our first date
I told her I'd be there at eight
And she came down the stairs at eight-thirty
She said I'm sorry that I took so long
Didn't like a thing that I tried on
But let me tell you son she sure looked pretty
Yeah she'll take her time but I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

He said the wedding took a year to plan
You talk about an anxious man, I was nervous
Waitin' on a woman
And then he nudged my arm like old men do
And said, I'll say this about the honeymoon, it was worth it
Waitin' on a woman

And I don't guess we've been anywhere
She hasn't made us late I swear
Sometimes she does it just 'cause she can do it
Boy it's just a fact of life
It'll be the same with your young wife
Might as well go on and get used to it
She'll take her time 'cause you don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

Honey, take your time, cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman


"Every Time I Hear Your Name" by Keith Anderson

Finally got over that song of ours; stopped chasin' little red sports cars,
To check the license plates and I quit drivin' by your place.
Back makin' the rounds at our old haunts: Honky Tonks, restaurants.
And seein' some of our old friends: it feels good to dance again.
And I can finally smell your perfume and not look around the room for you.
And I can walk right by your picture in a frame and not feel a thing.

But when I hear your name,
I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.
And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes.
And nothin's changed, and we're still same.
And I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss,
And I'm hangin' on to every word rollin' off of your lips:
And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.

Got someone special in my life; everyone thinks she'll make a great wife.
Dad says he thinks she's the one; reminds him of Mom when she was young.
But it's way too soon to be talkin' 'bout rings; don't wanna rush into anything.
She's getting over someone too, kinda like me and you.
And she talks about him every once in a while, and I just nod my head and smile,
'cause I know exactly what she's goin' through; yeah, I've been there too.

And when the conversation turns to you,
I get caught in a "you were the only one for me",
Kinda thought, and your face is all that I see.
I know I can't go back but I still go back.
And there we are, parked down by the riverside,
And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time,
And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.

I stop thinkin' 'bout the words I left unsaid.
(Every time I hear your name.)
I stop tryin' the change the things I can't change.
(Every time I hear your name.)
In my heart I know you're gone, but in my head,

I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.
And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes.
That's all it takes, and I'm in that place.
And there we are, parked down by the riverside,
And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time.
And I can't explain, but I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.


"Something About A Woman" by Jake Owen

She pulled her hair back to sun her shoulders
Took the oil and rubbed it all over her soft skin
Oh, I'm a lucky man
She wasn't wantin' any suntan lines so she
Reached back and she untied that little string
And then she smiled at me

And blew a kiss right off her fingertips
I don't know what it is

But there's something about a woman
Yeah, some kind of sweet little something
That I may never understand
Yeah, some kind of gift they're given
That makes this life worth livin'
And it makes a man a man
Oh, there's nothing like that
Somethin' about a woman

I sat there for a while and wondered
And she took a nap there under that summer sky
And then I realized

There are things in life that are meant to be
Maybe left a mystery

Yeah, like that something about a woman
Yeah, some kind sweet little something
That I may never understand
Yeah some kind of gift they're given
That makes this life worth livin'
And it makes a man a man
Oh, there's nothing like that
Somethin' about a woman

Yeah some kind of gift they're given
That makes this life worth livin'
And it makes a man a man
Oh, I'm nothing without that
Somethin' about a woman
Oh, about a woman


"One Year, Six Months" by Yellowcard

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you, and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget

I'm falling into memories of you, and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you

I'm falling into memories of you, and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you, and things we used to do


"A Goodnight's Sleep" by The Starting Line

A better slumber
Was in your arms
spent tangled up in you

A sudden morning
Crashed in the room
With an uninvited sudden change in you

What can I say?
Where's that girl from last night
That slept on that side and looked just like you do?

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
Sleep away
A silent pain
That's screaming out my name

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
I hope for your sake you don't wake up as broken as I am

For a lack of better
Words to say
All I said was goodnight
Once again, in self-defence
I wont sleep a wink
To prevent dreaming of you

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
Sleep away
A silent pain
That's screaming out my name

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
I hope for your sake you dont wake up as broken as I am

Sleep in your own bed tonight
I know some day that you will wake up as lonely as I am

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
Sleep away
A silent pain
That's screaming out my name

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
I hope for your sake you dont wake up as broken as I am

Sleep in your own bed tonight
I know some day that you will wake up as lonely as I am
Cuz fate works both ways
Cuz fate works both ways
Cuz fate works both ways
Sleep in your own bed

crazy game of poker..

this post is being co-brought to you by the laugh possessed by Kendra from "Girls Next Door" and fans at football games who hold up one finger and yell "we're number one!!" while losing 56-3..

had an interesting Saturday night.. here's the skinny..

6:30: got home from visiting my parents and devouring my mom's chili, which is legendary.. not even in the door when my roommate says "wanna go to Old Chicago?".. "sure, i don't have much cash but that's what credit cards are for, right?".. "exactly, get dressed, we're leaving in 5 minutes".. i pull off my shirt so i'm topless and wearing basketball shorts.. "k, i'm ready".. get punched..

6:35: throw on my baggy sweatpants and Reebok's wit da straps, looking fly as all hell..

6:50: arrive at Old Chicago with two roommates, their gals, one of the gals friends and her 19-year-old male cousin and 17-year-old female cousin.. more on her later.. waitress: "what are we drinking?".. me: "what are the specials?".. waitress: "we have Long Island Iced Teas for $2.99".. me: "YES! I WANT STRAWBERRY!!..

7:05: roommate: "if you finish the rest of that drink in 8 seconds i'll buy your next one".. me: "okay".. keep in mind, Long Island's have equal parts vodka, gin, tequila and rum with a very small amount of a mixer.. my glass was about half full.. nonetheless, i finished it within 8 seconds and my next one was free..

7:10: sure are alot of people here with SCSU shirts on.. oh yeah, it's homecoming, which means triple the normal amount of "urinating in public" citations and 3 a.m. Perkins runs..

7:20: hmmm, my glass is about 3/4's full right now, it's almost time someone tells me to drink really fast and they'll pay for my next one..

7:21: different roommate: "finish that in 10 seconds and i'll buy your next one".. me: "done".. photo finish!! the judges score it in my favor, considering i'm ordering pink drinks in public..

7:25: waitress: "need another one?".. me: "yeah, my roommates keep telling me if i drink these in 10 seconds, they'll buy me my next one".. roommate: "probably don't want to tell the waitress that"..

7:40: roommates gal (to me): "want to race to see who can finish their drink the fastest?".. me: "you're drinking beer and have so much less than me left... absolutely i want to race".. get destroyed.. as a prize, my roommate orders me another one before we go..

8:00: four Long Island Iced Teas in the span of 75 minutes.. and it's 8:00.. this should be entertaining..

8:15: arrive at roommates gal's house for a fire and more alcohol.. wind chill approximately 25 degrees, nipples couldn't be harder.. while manly roommate starts fire, i grab a chair and sit 2 inches from it.. he pushes me backwards and i manage to not spill my full beer while doing a back flip.. i celebrate in my head..

8:40: apparently it's "take shots of cough syrup" time because that tasted a lot like the Dimetap i had when i was a kid.. i'm told it was grape vodka.. "at least my cough is gone.. when's the NyQuil shot?", i say..

9:00: pee on the backyard fence while texting..

9:10: another shot, this one apparently is lemonade Vodka.. just as terrible as the first one.. 19-year-old runs to puke immediately in the bushes..

9:15: i can't see anymore..

9:30: wow..

10:00: yikes..

10:15: another shot, this one is Whiskey mixed with Mountain Dew, i'm led to believe.. immediately anointed the best shot of the night award since the other ones tasted like the ass sweat of a walrus..

10:30: hmmm, this 17-year-old girl is awfully close to me suddenly.. when did that happen? her: "can i see your phone?".. me: "why?".. she puts her hand into my pocket to get my phone.. immediately see myself sitting down at the counter of a strange house, having a heart-to-heart chat with Chris Hansen.. she starts messing with my phone.. "what are you doing?", i ask.. "you'll see", she replies.. great, that makes me feel better.. i look around to see if anyone is seeing this.. the glance and chuckle from my roommate indicates i have witnesses..

10:35: she gives me my phone back and i start trying to figure out what she did.. even being 4 Long Island Iced Teas, 6 beers and 4 shots deep, i quickly realize she put her phone number in my phone.. then she texted herself from my phone so she could have my number.. what the hell is going on?

10:36: i guess i'll just drink more and pretend that didn't happen..

10:50: text from girl that reads, "what's up?".. i don't respond because i'm sitting 15 feet away from her.. she should be able to tell "what's up", right?.. i don't have many rules, but one of them is "don't hook up with anyone who could potentially invite you to prom and/or a Girl Scout camping trip".. and let's not forget America's rule of "don't hook up with anyone under 18 if you are over 18".. i blame R. Kelly..

11:00: roommate: "i think we're going to go".. me: "great idea, i'll race you to the car..... wait, i have to pee first"..

11:15: safe in my own house.. that was surreal..


in September of 2003, i went along with my roommate on a roadtrip to Iowa to visit his girlfriend at her college (this is the couple that has recently become engaged).. a few highlights from that trip.. peeing in a cornfield in northern Iowa during the drive down.. singing N'Sync and Garth Brooks along the way, like back in our freshman year.. meeting the roommates, one of which eventually said she hadn't had sex in so long that she had a "rusty vagina", to which i wittingly replied, "good thing i brought WD-40".. classic.. going to a party where 3 separate televisions had 3 separate college football games going right next to each other.. on the way to this party, we stopped at the liquor store and i didn't feel like drinking beer, so in a rush, i grabbed Green Apple Smirnoff Ice.. that was my first mistake.. my second mistake was drinking it in a room full of college guys.. "what the fuck are you drinking?" was the first thing one guy said to me.. people in Iowa are mean.. that party was where i was first formally introduced to "Bubble Toes" by Jack Johnson, beginning my love of his music.. also, at a restaurant/bar, we all had a shot called the "Pink Pussy".. after drinking my shot, i exclaimed "wow, that was the best pussy i've ever had", to the delight of everyone within earshot, not including the waitress.. whatever, i'll go back to Minnesota..

Victoria's Secret website is the greatest thing on earth, i've recently decided.. go to www.victoriassecret.com and look up the Lace-up fishnet cheeky hiphugger.. proof that God is a man and wants me to be happy..

here's a Minnesota driving lesson: when you have a red light, it's not okay to just take a right and then merge into traffic without looking or yielding.. if you do this with me behind you, i have to stop singing "if you wanna be my lover" ala Posh Spice to spew expletives at you and that upsets me..

memo to those 30-second voicemail recordings: i'm fully aware that i "can hang up when i'm finished speaking", i'm a grown up.. i don't need you to run through what every button does.. i just want to tell my roommate i saw a man wearing a fanny pack and cowboy boots, it shouldn't take this long..

not much is cuter than my niece singing "how much is that doggy in the window"..

some of the best times i've ever had have involved drinking and playing Playstation 3.. i'm sure a lot of you know of a game called "drinking Tiger Woods", where you play the Tiger Woods golf game and have to drink if you hit it in the rough, hit it out of bounds, hit it in the water or the sand, etc.. super fun.. if you've seen the picture of one of my roommates on Facebook passed out on the couch with me and another roommate sitting there to keep him from rolling off, that was a "drinking Tiger Woods night", although he wasn't participating.. i think it was his birthday and his sisters dropped him off and said "call us if he stops breathing".. tight family..

i think my favorite thing in all of sports is the dogpile after baseball teams win playoff series'.. how awesome is that?! they'll show a camera shot of the dugout as the last out is being recorded and everyone is climbing out even before it's official just sprinting to jump on each other.. if the play is happening in the infield, the outfielders are already halfway there, throwing their hats and gloves into the air.. this should happen in everyday situations, the world would be a better place..

as i spoke about previously, i received a book in the mail titled, "Men's Health Guide to the Best Sex in the World".. just finished chapter 2, but here are some highlights to this point:

- people decide whether someone is attractive one-tenth of a second after laying eyes on them..

- women rank confidence as one of the sexiest qualities in a man, not surprisingly..

- a Harvard study found that looking at pretty women activates a pleasure center in the brain usually triggered only by food, drugs and money..

- breathe deeply and use your lower registers when you speak. according to a recent study by Scottish researchers, the most attractive women prefer deep-voiced men. This probably has something to do with the correlation between high testosterone levels (a sigh of superior strength and bedroom chops) and a deep voice..

- a kiss is a preview of coming attractions. "the way you kiss says a lot about how you make love," says Ava Cadell, PhD, "i call kissing 'facial intercourse.'"..

- lots of women describe their best kiss as the time he slammed her up against the wall, mashed his lips against hers, and didn't let her breathe for a full 5 minutes..

- love bites also play a large role; in the kissing section of the Kama Sutra, it was considered a sign of real skill to leave a lasting mark without breaking the skin..

- the Kama Sutra says that if a man stimulates his partner's upper lip, nibbling and lightly sucking on it, while she nibbles on his lower lip, both partners will be swept away on waves of pleasure.. it has even been suggested that there is a pathway in the nervous system directly connecting the upper lip to the clitoris. a one-stop shop, if you will..

- an "Australian kiss" is a French kiss "down under"..

- let her keep a toothbrush at your house if she wants to but encourage her to make her own plans and keep her own friends- and do the same yourself. it's easy to get sucked in at the beginning, with the rush of a fast start. but the sooner you depend on each other for everything, the faster the relationship can burn out..

- how will you know it's the real thing? one sign is when you stop looking at other women. it's true: Italian researchers looked at the hormone levels of a small group of women in love. the women's testosterone levels were higher than usual, making them more aggressive and increasing their sex drives. the men, on the other hand, had lower levels of testosterone, making them less aggressive and less libidinous. so if you notice that your eye has stopped roving and the desire to collect digits has lessened significantly, it may be a sign that the lady you're with is "the one."

or you can take her for ice cream. Alan Hirsch, MD, conducted a study of 720 people, ages 24 to 59, in which he correlated personality tests, their favorite ice cream flavors, their partners' favorite ice creams, and relationship status. coffee ice cream lovers- found to be dramatic, seductive, flirtatious- are most romantically compatible with strawberry fans. Vanilla gals (emotionally expressive and fond of PDA) melt best with rocky-road guys. and mint chocolate chip fans are meant for each other.

or you may just start acting crazy. British neurobiologists discovered that when research subjects looked at a picture of someone they had recently fallen in love with, one of the parts of the brain that was activated had a lot of receptors for dopamine- the feel-good hormone. that's why falling in love feels so damn good. it's also why you act like such an idiot when it happens. dopamine is strongly associated with addiction; in fact, this British study found that the brains of people "on" love looked very much like the brains of people on euphoria-inducing drugs.


Lyrics of the Week

"Austin" by Blake Shelton

She left without leavin' a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she'd gone back to Austin
'Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got

If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it
If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling
If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not buyin'
If it's anybody else, wait for the tone,
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you

The telephone fell to the counter
She heard but she couldn't believe
What kind of man would hang on that long
What kind of love that must be
She waited three days, and then she tried again
She didn't know what she'd say,
But she heard three rings and then

If it's Friday night I'm at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don't rain
I'm headed out to the lake
And I'll be gone, all weekend long
But I'll call you back when I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you

This time she left her number
But not another word
Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evenin'
And this is what he heard

If you're callin' 'bout my heart
It's still yours
I should've listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin' to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you

I still love you


"She Wouldn't Be Gone" by Blake Shelton

Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you
Took you home set you on the counter
Oh, at least a time or two
Maybe she'd thought it through.

Yellow sunset slowly dipping down in the rear view
Oh, how she'd love to sit and watch you
I could have done that a whole lot more
If I hadn't been so stubborn, been so selfish
Thought about her more, thought about me less
Joked to make her laugh, held her when she cried
A little more that, maybe I...

Wouldn't be driving like hell flying like crazy down the highway
Calling everyone we know stopping any place she might be
Going any place she might go beating on the dash
Screaming out her name at the windshield tears soaking up my face
If I had loved her this much all along, maybe maybe, yeaa maybe...
She wouldn't be gone.. she wouldn't be gone..

She warned me it was coming said if I didn't change
She was leaving
I just didn't believe she would ever really walk out,
God, I believe her now

Called her mamma, cried like a baby to her best friend
If they've seen her, they ain't sayin, they ain't sayin...
Now, I'm cursing like a fool, praying it ain't too late
All I wanna do is fix my mistakes.

Find her beg her for one more try, until then damn it I'll..
Be driving like hell flying like crazy down the highway
Calling everyone we know stopping any place she might be
Going any place she might go beating on the dash
Screaming out her name at the windshield tears soaking up my face
If I had loved her this much all along, maybe maybe, yeaa maybe...
She wouldn't be gone..

I wouldn't be beating on the dash
Screaming out her name at the windshield tears soaking up my face
If I had loved her this much all along, maybe maybe, yeaa maybe...
She wouldn't be gone..

Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you
Took you home set you on the counter, oh at least a time or two
Maybe she'd thought it through...


"Lipstick" by Rocky Lynne

Well, enough
Of this nonsense, baby
We're bigger than this
Let's get back to us
And the thrill we felt with our first kiss
You know the road can take us
Out where we both feel so alive
Let's go tonight
You can put your lipstick on while I drive

We can go down to old El Paso
Spend the night in New Orleans
Go out to California like we've always dreamed
Makin' love out in the desert
I can watch the sunset in your eyes
Let's go tonight
You can put your lipstick on while I drive
(You can put your lipstick on while I drive)
(While I drive)

Well, I'm tired
Of this life we're livin'
Dreamin' dead-end dreams
Like a worn-out ol' shag carpet frayin' at the seams
You know we got to change it
No waitin' 'til the time is right
Let's go tonight
You can put your lipstick on while I drive

We can go down to old El Paso
Spend the night in New Orleans
Go out to California like we've always dreamed
Makin' love out in the desert
I can watch the sunset in your eyes
Let's go tonight
You can put your lipstick on while I drive
(You can put your lipstick on while I drive)
(While I drive)

Let me touch you
Let me love you
Let your heart race next to mine


"All At Once" by The Fray

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her, now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another


"Thunder" by Boys Like Girls

Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know, whoa
Today I'm on my own
I cant move a muscle and I cant pick up the phone, I don't know

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain,

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think Ill make it out but you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain

And listen to the thunder


"Hero" by Tim Mahoney

Let me teach you how to give
Take my breath away
Let me live to see the day
When I fall, you feel the pain
And when our worlds collide
The feelings never change

I don't want to give just to receive
Something so worth having never comes easily

When all else fails, turn to me
When all else fails, let me be
Your hero
Like the ones in fairy tales

Your hero
The one you know has got your back
Your hero
Is all I wanna be
When all else fails, turn to me

Let me show you how much I care
Walk on me
Let me be the smile you wear
And when I'm turned around
And merely just a frown
Have no doubt, I'll always turn around

I don't wanna give just to receive
Something so worth having never comes easily

When all else fails, turn to me
When all else fails, let me be
Your hero
Like the ones in fairy tales

Your hero
The one you know has got your back
Your hero
Is all I wanna be
When all else fails, turn to me

I can be your knight in shining armor
You can be the one in distress
I could save you right now
And ride off in the sunset
Ohh

When all else fails, turn to me
When all else fails, let me be
Your hero
Like the ones in fairy tales

Your hero
The one you know has got your back
Your hero
Is all I wanna be
When all else fails, turn to me

I'm never gonna let you down
I always wanna be there for you
I'm never gonna let you down
I only wanna be your hero

I'm never gonna let you down
I always wanna be there for you
I only wanna be your hero
I always wanna be your hero

five colours in her hair..

this post is being co-brought to you by the naked guy in the gym locker room who asked about my iPod and guys who wear any ring other than their wedding ring or Super Bowl/World Series/etc. ring..

Bumper Sticker of the Day: "Be a Flirt, Lift Your Skirt".. classy, like all bumper stickers..

according to a statistic i just made up, 95% of guys go to the gym just to get the Inguinal Crease.. that's "trainer speak" for those muscles that go from your hip down to your money-maker.. in order to see them, you have to get to 5-8% body fat, which is worth it if you know how many girls are attracted to them (over 100%, according to another statistic of mine).. so guys, when your gal is watching "Sex and the City" or "Grey's Anatomy" and you haven't been brainwashed into watching with them, hit the gym and work the cardio.. your gal will thank you later and subsequently, you'll thank me..

i've noticed this phenomenon sweeping the nation: attractive girls thinking lowly of their attractiveness and unattractive girls being completely oblivious to their unattractiveness.. it seems like girls who are attractive are always saying things about their ass being fat or needing to lose a few pounds, and guys are like "umm no, you're pretty fine the way you are".. meanwhile, you have 250 pound girls squeezing into extra-small shirts (usually on day-time talk shows) yelling about how everyone is jealous about how good they look.. no, we're just flabbergasted that it's physically possible for a belly button to hang below the knees.. how about my new job is to tell females how to feel about themselves and they must listen to me?.. this isn't to say girls should act all snobbish and "i'm so hot", just have the unspoken air about you that you can rock it and you know it..

this past Friday night was again fairly eventful.. as a house, we did our typical "watch sports, play darts, drink a lot of alcohol" that has become a fall/winter tradition.. we got on the topic of my roommates wedding (next November) and who is all going to be in it.. one of my roommates had already been asked to be a groomsmen and i had the feeling i'd also be asked but it wasn't going to be that easy.. the groom-to-be and the rest of my roommates were all adamant that i shaved my goatee during the Twins season, saying things like "if Nick Punto hits a home run in this game, you have to shave".. and i'd always turn them down, apparently i think i look like Ben Affleck when i have a goatee, when in actuality i look like Kevin Federline's younger brother.. anyway, to prove my desire to be involved in his wedding, i drunkenly shaved it off.. then, the groom-to-be asked me to give him six reasons why i should be in his wedding.. after insisting my drink have a pink straw, my answers were: "we've lived together 2 years", "i told you a legendary bedroom story while sober", "we sang N'Sync songs to each other driving to and from school as freshmen", and "i'm really cute".. needless to say, that's not six.. so to make up for that, i put a chew in.. and i had to last 4 minutes if i wanted to be in the wedding and 7 if i wanted to be the Best Man.. well i made it to about 4, i think, until i needed to get that shit out of my mouth.. i sprinted to the bathroom and washed my mouth out for about 5 minutes.. i've had about 10 chews in my life and have always insisted it was the last one.. i was then photographed while urinating.. good way to end any night, i always say..

i think i've mentioned this before but another fun thing that happens in our house is, whenever i leave, i can look forward to having a transsexual or a really fat girl as my computer wallpaper, compliments of my roommates.. one girl had a clitoris that was slightly larger than the average man's fist.. i'll walk into my room, look at my computer and this conversation will follow:

me: "are you fucking kidding me?"
roommate: "what's wrong?"
me: "well this woman on my computer has an erection...."

yes, i agreed to be in one of my roommates wedding's.. don't ask me why..

staying with the house theme, a few of us here have a word that we use when we see an attractive girl on TV.. my word is "hello" but it sounds like "hellew" (British accent) and i'll also say that under my breath if i see a real-life hot girl.. another roommate just says "yep", announcing his approval of how she looks.. another one says "how many?", as in "how many drinks would it take for you to have sex with her?".. his is more for unattractive girls..

again, this is something that has caught on in the house and i'll take full credit for it.. i listen to a sports radio show during the day called "P.A. and Dubay", which stands for Paul Allen and Jeff Dubay.. Paul Allen does the radio play-by-play for the Vikings.. anyway, they like to make fun of Dubay a lot because he used to be overweight and he really, really likes Minnesota sports.. his nickname is "Puffy" for whatever reason, and they have a button they can push to say "Puffy" when they want to imply he does something stupid.. for example: they can talk about listeners getting a free all-you-can-eat meal somewhere and hit the "Puffy" sounder to imply that Dubay eats a lot.. anyway, to make a long story longer, i've brought this into our house in a sexual manner.. anytime someone says something that can be construed as sexual but that's not how they meant it, i'd say "Puffy".. for example, while watching a football game: "it looks like they'll be short by a few inches" (Puffy).. or something as every day as "i don't think that will fit in there" (Puffy).. we're a very mature household and i'm the leader of the pack..

on the list of "things to be borrowed from a roommate", i think it's safe to say "face razor" can be put in the "not acceptable" section, especially when it's used to shave your scrotum.. hypothetically speaking.. toilet paper? sure.. beer? of course.. clothes? if you ask.. girlfriend? if you're not around.. but taking another man's razor that he uses to shave his face and running it over your balls? maybe taking "what's yours is mine" a bit too far? it's kinda like an unwritten rule, along the lines of "don't bunt to break up a no-hitter" or "never back down from a hockey fight" or "never trust anyone who's drunk, in love or in politics".. should be written down somewhere, i guess..

i've posted this before but it was all the way back in May, maybe before some of you "avid" readers knew about the shit i wrote.. it's about the time my roommate and i went to a boxing gym to try to get in shape about 3 years ago and i've been told it's fairly entertaining.. if you've already read it, scroll down to the lyrics.. if you don't like lyrics, you are excused to leave :)


a couple weeks before we start:

Him: "hey, do you want to join a boxing gym with me?"
Me: hahahaha
Him: "girls are more sexually attracted to guys who are in shape"
Me: "when does it start and will they give us flavored condoms?"

first night (times are estimates, keep in mind that this is Week 3 of the actual class, and our first night):

7:00 p.m. - we start out with the trainers telling us to grab a set of dumbbells, my cat-like quickness enables me to nab the 5's.. i talk trash to the other people silently..

7:10 p.m. - Warm-ups including stretching and lifting and bending and groin-pulling... thoughts running through my head: "seriously, are we just warming up right now??" "this girl next to me could tear my beanbag off barehanded, yikes" "when does ballet start?" "my labia hurt"..

7:15 p.m. - thoughts running through my head: "are we in the right gym? it said St. Cloud Downtown Boxing Gym on the sign, not Oscar De La Hoya's Olympic Boxing Training on the sign, right?" "i don't want to breathe anymore" "what exactly did that waiver say? i hope they have my parents phone number in case of an emergency"....

me and my boy parts have a disagreement about whether or not sex is this important...

Me: "i think i'll get girls just by using my personality"
Him: "when's the last time you touched a vagina?"
Me (half jokingly): "does being born count?" (fuck, he put me in a box there)

7:25 p.m. - we haven't moved further than 2 feet in any direction, yet we are laying in a pool of our own sweat... are we being Punk'd??

7:30 p.m. - cool, a jump rope!! 12 year-old girls can do this...

7:32 p.m. - I can't... hey, it's your turn, i think there's a sale on purses at Penney's that i need to get to.. by the way, i'm kidnapping your first-born child and brain-washing them to hate you..

7:40 p.m. - we begin to run up and down stairs.. not only do we do that, but when we reach the bottom of the stairs, we run around a circle and a fat slob hits us in our stomach with a boxing glove while yelling at us and probably eating nachos..

my thoughts after getting hit the first time: "wow, that really sucked... maybe i just need to clench my abs more the next time... or change my tampon"..

my thoughts after getting hit the second time: "wow, that sucked just as much if not more than the first one, where is the nearest bench?? my pancreas tastes funny and i need someone to help me straighten out my spinal cord"...

Roommate walks over to me after his 3rd time getting assaulted..

Me: "are you fucking kidding me right now?"
Him: "done"
Me: "wait, help me take my sports bra off"

7:45 p.m. - up the stairs, to the dressing room, out the back exit.. driving home is harder than Chinese algebra, every muscle is sore already.. now i know why boxers can't speak English, they're fucking retarded... and that's my 45-minute "boxing career"... the boxing heavy bag in the garage is so much easier to deal with..


Lyrics of the Week

"Say Yes" by Dusty Drake

We've only known each other since the moment we met
But it seems like forever to me
I haven't figured out the perfect way to say it yet
But I suppose at times like these
A man should get down on his knees

How'd you like to be in my wedding
How'd you like to walk down the isle
You could be the center of attention
Everyone would look at you and smile
We could send our friends invitations
You could wear a long white dress
If you'd like to be in my wedding, darlin'
All you have to do is say, "Yes"

Your folks could be seated in the very front row
And cry when we all turn to look at you
We could cut the cake
And we could strike a pose
Like the little bitty plastic bride and groom
And then begin our life-long honeymoon

How'd you like to be in my wedding
How'd you like to walk down the aisle
You could be the center of attention
Everyone would look at you and smile
We could send our friends invitations
You could wear a long White dress
If you'd like to be in my wedding, darlin'
All you have to do is say, "Yes"

Please say "Yes"


"Beautiful Wreck" by Shawn Mullins

I lost count of the times I've given up on you
But you make such a beautiful wreck you do
There's a tavern on the corner called the Milky Way
And you look so at home there it makes me afraid

And at the dark end of this bar
What a beautiful wreck you are
When you go too far
Beautiful wreck you are

Well all the plans that you had
From seven years ago
Like all the promises you made
I watched them come and go

You put your keys in the car but it wouldn't drive
With your hands on the wheel lookin' barely alive
I'm still sitting here waiting on the passenger side
For you to make up your mind
For you to make up your mind

At the dark end of this bar
What a beautiful wreck you are
When you go too far
Beautiful wreck you are

What a beautiful, such a beautiful
A beautiful wreck you are
What a beautiful, such a beautiful wreck

I've lost count of the times I've given up on you
But you make such a beautiful wreck you do
Yeah, you make such a beautiful wreck you do
You make such a beautiful wreck you do

At the dark end of this bar
What a beautiful wreck you are
When you go too far
Beautiful wreck you are

What a beautiful, such a beautiful
Beautiful wreck you are
What a beautiful, such a beautiful
Beautiful wreck you are


"I Could Not Ask For More" by Edwin McCain

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see, the smile upon your face
And these are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
And these are the moments
I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are, is everything to me

And these are the moments
I know heaven must exist
And these are the moments, I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for (yeah)
And I could not ask for more…

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
And every dream I’ve had has come true
yeah, right here in this moment, is right where I'm meant to be
Oh, here with you here with me…
Ooh, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

And these are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
and these are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for yeah
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
And every dream I’ve had's come true
yeah, and right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
here with you here with me…

I could not ask for more than the love you give me
Cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more (more)
ooh and I could not ask for more


"Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me


"Nothing To Prove" by Lonestar

You got your feet squeezed into heels that hurt
Cause they go with the job and they go with the skirt
You gotta look good when you're out there
Climbing ladders

You go above and beyond and then way beyond that
You do it all, yeah, you wear every hat
Hoping someone that matters will realize you matter

But all that really matters is it's Friday
And the sun is shining over my way

Toss your heels in the backseat
Drive home in your barefeet
Throw in that Van Morrison CD
Chip away a little by little
Til you find your groove

I'll pick up some takeout, we can just hang out
Levis and wine, blankets and lights down
Lay your head right here on my shoulder
And just be you, when you're with me
Girl, you got nothing to prove

I could listen all night if you wanna talk
Or we can lay here and say nothing at all
I already know who you are and that I love you

So, baby, take a long deep breath and exhale
Cause all you gotta be tonight is yourself

Toss your heels in the backseat
Drive home in your barefeet
Throw in that Van Morrison CD
Chip away a little by little
Til you find your groove

I'll pick up some takeout, we can just hang out
Levis and wine, blankets and lights down
Lay your head right here on my shoulder
And just be you, when you're with me
Girl, you got nothing to prove
You got nothing to prove

I'll pick up some takeout, we can just hang out
Levis and wine, blankets and lights down
Lay your head right here on my shoulder
And just be you, when you're with me
Girl, you got nothing to prove

When we're together, you got nothing to prove
You got nothing to prove, you got nothing to prove
You got nothing to prove


"Tonight I'll Take What I Can Get" by Dashboard Confessional

I've got my eye on top shelf liquor,
With taste so smooth it
Hits you quicker.
But you've only got the well.

And I've got an eye for top tier women
With legs so long they go straight to heaven,
But this old bunch looks like hell.

But tonight I'll take what I can get.

I'd like to hear a great musician
With strange ideas and grand ambition,
But this guy, he's got trouble with chords.

And I'd like to leave this game a winner
Head held high, the luck of beginners
But this old losers crawling out on all fours.

But tonight I'll take what I can get.

Well this drink will do,
And girl you look all right,
And this band is playing like hell tonight.

These dice are loaded
And lord I am too
I might be losing but I'm leaving soon.

With the prettiest girl
To enter this dump,
She drank all of the whiskey but she left me the rum
And tonight I'll take what I can get

Tonight I'll take what I can get

I've got my sights on brand new beginnings
Brand new starts make saints of sinners
But I'm doomed to live in my past

Live nude girls says the sign out front,
But old dead dreams are dancing in front,
Of old dead dreamers with washed up luck,
Buying love for cash

Well tonight I'll take what I can get.

This old story gets stale and dry,
No matter how I try and try
To spin this fable
Fresh and new

You strung me along
Like a tease on prom night
Getting me loose but
Leaving me uptight
Please tell me that
Some of that love was true.

Tonight I'll take what I can get

Well this drink will do,
And girl you look all right,
And this band is playing like hell tonight.

These dice are loaded
And lord I am too
I might be losing but I'm scoring soon.

With the prettiest girl
To enter this dump,
She drank all of the whiskey but she left me the rum
And tonight I'll take what I can get.

rainy days and mondays..

this post is being co-brought to you by the 40-year old men i work with who sexually comment on barely-out-of-high-school girls and the guy who says, "good, we need it" every time it's supposed to rain..

Google has invented something called "Mail Goggles" in effort to halt the apparent drunk e-mailing epidemic sweeping the nation.. the user will pick a time frame (i.e. 11 p.m. to 4 a.m.) in which they have to answer a series of simple math and general IQ questions in order to send an e-mail.. that way, when you want to shoot the ex a "guess what i'm thinking about right now" e-mail, you have to show you can simplify fractions first.. there should be a degree of difficulty attached to each person in your address book.. like a "one" on the scale would be your fantasy football buddies and a simple "what is 5 x 4?" would suffice.. but a "ten" on the scale, which would consist of that crazy ex-girlfriend who deleted all the "female sounding names" out of your cell phone would be next to impossible.. "A 3kg object is released from rest at a height of 5m on a curved frictionless ramp. At the foot of the ramp is a spring of force constant k = 100 N/m. The object slides down the ramp and into the spring, compressing it a distance of x before coming to rest. Find x".. suddenly that booty call doesn't sound as appealing as leftover pizza and "Full House" reruns.. hmmm, i'd like to respond to this work e-mail but i have no idea which of these fucking trains gets to Chicago first.. bottom line, excellent idea Google.. pass it on to cell phone companies so we can use it for something people actually do, like drunk-dialing and drunk-texting..

on that topic, ever notice how the length of a drunk text shortens as you get later into the night? 11:00 p.m.: "what are you doing tonight? i'll be at (bar). you should come if you're not busy".. 1:59 a.m.: "?".. that's it.. obviously both mean the same thing, "want to drunkenly hook up later?".. English is so much easier than those other languages..

a radio station yesterday mentioned this situation: a guy overseas somewhere goes in to have surgery done.. it doesn't matter what kind because i didn't hear it mentioned.. anyway, he's put under and while he's unconscious he becomes "aroused", as the kids say.. probably an every day occurrence for doctors, right? they see everything, and at least once a month i read something about guys getting anywhere from 6 to 159 erections while sleeping, nothing we can do about it.. well this MALE doctor wasn't going to let a perfectly good situation go to waste, and gives the patient oral sex.. while he's unconscious.. actually put the guys penis in his mouth.. really?? no, seriously?? i've wat.. i've heard about pornographic movies which involve a similar male/female situation but i thought that kind of thing was completely fictional.. can't make it up..

i'm not sure i've ever been as bummed as i was about a year ago when i tried unsuccessfully to kill a spider in my bedroom right before i went to bed.. it wasn't very big or anywhere near my bed actually but when i tried to trap it in that tissue and missed, it immediately turned into the world's most unbelievably poisonous spider just waiting to crawl up my leg the minute i got into bed.. of course i shrieked like a Marine and spent the next half hour searching for it so i could sleep comfortably.. came up empty-handed.. legitimately bummed, that's the best way to describe it..

at a wedding a few weeks ago, i got a few "you're so skinny" comments from relatives that i hadn't seen in a while.. which never sucks but since it was just after losing 5 pounds of muscle from skipping the gym for a month, it wasn't as cool.. my brother told me that the lost muscle "looks good on you".. reassuring..

just heard this exchange involving my roommates:
one roommate to another in kitchen: "whatever you're cooking, it smells delicious!"
roommate in living room: "sounding pretty gay in there, guys".. classic..

this is a fun game to play: anytime you see somebody drop something, yell "fumble!".. doesn't matter if it's their grocery list on the ground or their engagement ring down the sink, it's always funny.. you can try to recover the fumble too if you've been drinking.. prepare to run and watch for tacklers if it's that engagement ring though..

i love Facebook status updates that are clearly meant to make someone jealous.. stuff like "Jenny is finally happy to have found a great guy" or whatever.. this screams of "this new guy really isn't that great, i just want to make ex-boy think that he is".. if you're actually happy and content then spend your time being happy and content.. if the past person sucked so badly then what's the point of keeping them in mind? don't waste your time trying to prove a point to someone who treated you like shit, put them in the past, move on and enjoy the new person.. if they really are that great, it should be easy to..

how cute is it when kids mess up a word or a sentence? i have a few nieces and nephews, here are a few of my favorite things they've said in the past.. i'm sure you've all played the board game "Guess Who", where you guess the person the other player has by asking for clues.. anyway, my nephew once asked me "does your person have a muttsmash?".. obviously going for mustache with that but to this day i say "muttsmash" instead of mustache.. while eating lunch one day, my niece asked "can i get more lotion on my pancakes?" (pointing at syrup).. that same niece referred to my dad as "Shorty" and my mom as "Sweetie Pie" because those were their nicknames for her, so she thought that's what she should call them.. cutest ever..

is a "snooze button" in the South just throwing a boot at the rooster?

i think it's safe to say that you can get anybody to do anything, as long as it's on your bachelor or bachelorette party list.. case in point, a couple years ago we were downtown and we were approached by a group of girls who were either part of a bachelorette party or big advocates of safe sex with all the condoms glued to their shirts.. probably both.. one of the items on their list was "get a guys boxer shorts".. any random girl comes up to you and asks for your boxers, you either laugh or say "you first", right?.. "but it's one of the items on our list! please!!" and one of my roommates exited to the bathroom to give up his underwear.. i noticed another item on the list was "kiss the ugliest guy in the bar" and suggested they get that out of the way but was told "you're definitely not ugly, you're one of the cutest ones here".. that was the answer i was secretly hoping for :)

if you ever find yourself in our hot tub, keep this in mind: the red light is the "sex light".. you have the option to cycle through a number of colors or keep it set on one.. needless to say if you're in there with 3 other dudes, you're either cycling or keeping it on a neutral "non sexual" color (green comes to mind) to cut out any weird moments.. but the first time i ever sat in there and saw the red light i said "that's definitely the sex light".. not that it has to happen, it just means there's potential for it to happen.. and maybe not actually happen in the hot tub, that could cause several problems, especially for the gal.. also, it doesn't get much better than hot tubbing while it's snowing.. "phenomenal" isn't enough to describe that..

on a more serious note, i was listening to a sports radio show at work last week and the guest was Louisville men's basketball coach, Rick Pitino.. i knew who Pitino was from following college basketball but i was unaware of this story.. in 1987, as his team was on a bus back home, they were pulled over by a police officer who told Pitino and his wife to call the hospital.. they did and were told they needed to make it there as soon as possible because something was wrong with their son, Daniel.. the fastest they could make it there was 45 minutes, so they begged the hospital to tell them what was wrong.. the doctors then told them that Daniel had died of congenital heart failure at the age of 6 months.. it was an absolutely heartbreaking story and it helps put things in your life in perspective.. that day at work, i was pissed because something was wrong with my computer at home and it was ruining my day because i didn't know how to fix it.. other people have terrible days because someone pisses them off at work or something else is stressing you out.. those aren't real problems.. yeah, they obviously weigh on your mind and this isn't to say they don't matter but they shouldn't effect your mood to the point where other people notice it.. if you have kids, imagine them not being around one day and never being able to get them back.. when they're driving you insane cause they won't stop crying, think about them not being around to cry.. for anyone who doesn't have kids, think about your parents, grandparents, siblings, best friends, boyfriend or girlfriend, etc.. believe me, i'm far from the most emotional or sentimental guy out there but this story just kinda got to me that day.. as long as you and the people you care about are healthy, the other problems you have aren't that bad.. that's my Dr. Phil rant for the night :)


Lyrics of the Night

"I Lie Awake" by Quietdrive

Can you hear me screaming
Coming to find you
It's not that I want to
Make it another night alone
This feeling is lonely
Sending me slowly
Hits me so deep
It cuts my bone
Fills my heart
Burns me up
For way too long
For way too long
Here's my hand
Pull me up

I lie awake because I'm scared
I'm not as fake as you once heard
But we'll lay down now making sure we
Put these words between us

Can you hear us falling
We're falling faster
It's hard to remember
Where we were at a year before
I thought we were ready
I thought we were steady
'Till the emotion
Hit the floor
Fills my heart
Burns me up
For way too long
For way too long (where did you go)
Here's my hand
To pull me up

Don't put these words between us

I lie awake because I'm scared
I'm not as fake as you once heard
But we'll lay down now making sure we
Put these words between us
I lie awake because I'm scared
I'm not as fake as you once heard
And we'll lay these words
And we'll put them down
On the floor beneath us
Don't put these words between us
Don't put these words between us


"Just The Girl" by The Click 5

She's cold and she's cruel,
but she knows what she's doing.
She pushed me in the pool
at our last school reunion.
She laughs at my dreams,
but I dream about her laughter.
Strange as it seems
she's the one I'm after.

Cause she's bittersweet,
she knocks me off of my feet.
And I can't help myself,
i don't want anyone else.
She's a mystery.
She's too much for me.
But I keep coming back for more.
She's just the girl I'm lookin' for.

She can't keep a secret
for more than an hour.
She runs on 100 proof attitude power.
And the more she ignores me,
the more I adore her,
What can I do?
I'd do anything for her,

Cause she's bittersweet,
she knocks me off of my feet.
And I can't help myself,
i don't want anyone else.
She's a mystery.
She's too much for me.
But I keep coming back for more.
She's just the girl I'm lookin' for.

And when she sees it's me
on her caller ID
she won't pick up the phone;
She'd rather be alone.
But I can't give up just yet,
cause every word she's ever said
is still ringin' in my head.
Still ringin' in my head.

She's cold and she's cruel,
but she knows what she's doing.
Knows just what to say
so my whole day is ruined.

Cause she's bittersweet,
she knocks me off of my feet.
And I can't help myself,
i don't want anyone else.
She's a mystery.
She's too much for me.
But I keep coming back for more.

Cause she's bittersweet,
she knocks me off of my feet.
And I can't help myself,
i don't want anyone else.
She's a mystery.
She's too much for me.
But I keep comin' back for more.
Oh, I keep comin' back for more.
She's just the girl I'm lookin' for.
Just the girl I'm lookin' for.


"She Thinks She Needs Me" by Andy Griggs

She thinks I walk on water
She thinks I hung the moon
She tells me every morning,
"They just don’t make men like you"

She thinks I’ve got it together
She swears I’m as tough as nails
But I don’t have the heart to tell her
She don’t know me that well

She don’t know how much I need her
She don’t know I’d fall apart
Without her kiss, without her touch
Without her faithful, loving arms
She don’t know that it’s all about her
She don’t know I can’t live without her
She’s my world, she’s my everything
And she thinks she needs me

Sometimes she cries on my shoulder
When she’s lying next to me
But she don’t know that when I hold her
That she’s really holding me, holding me

She don’t know how much I need her
She don’t know I’d fall apart
Without her kiss, without her touch
Without her faithful, loving arms
She don’t know that it’s all about her
She don’t know I can’t live without her
She’s my world, she’s my everything
And she thinks she needs me

Yeah, and the funny thing is
She thinks she’s the lucky one


"Did I Ever Tell You" by Nick Lachey

Did I ever tell you I’m better to have known you?
I don’t want to leave you with the shadow of a doubt
Did I ever give you the strength you’ve given me?
And how can I begin to make each moment mean the most so you will see
I never loved you more than I do today
Sometimes life just seems to get in the way

It’s been too long
I want to sit down and write for you a perfect love song
I want to shout it out in a silent crowd
I want to move you in a million ways
I said to you everyday but did I ever tell you I love you that way

And did I ever tell you I’m better to have known you
I don’t want to change you cause I proud of who you are
And should you ever question the pain we are going through
What I need to mention is that life just isn’t living without you
You know that I want you more than anything
Sometimes I just forget to say what I mean

It’s been too long
I want to sit down and write for you a perfect love song
I want to shout it out in a silent crowd
I want to move you in a million ways
I said to you everyday but did I ever tell you I love you that way

I never loved you more than I do today
Sometimes its crazy life just gets in the way

It’s been too long
I want to sit down and write for you a perfect love song
I want to shout it out in a silent crowd
I want to move you in a million ways
I said to you everyday but did I ever tell you I love you that way

It’s been too long
I want to sit down and write for you a perfect love song
I want to shout it out in a silent crowd
I want to move you in a million ways
I said to you everyday but did I ever tell you I love you
Did I ever tell you I love you that way?

absolutely sweet marie..

this post is being unofficially co-brought to you by the Wisconsin license plate i saw that read "PIERCED", the woman i saw smoking while holding an infant and guys named "Rory"..

while watching the Indianapolis Colts vs. Houston Texans game this past Sunday, i saw one of the best comebacks in recent memory.. the Colts scored 21 points in a span of 2 minutes and 10 seconds late in the second half but this isn't the most incredible thing of all.. Texans quarterback Sage Rosenfels forgot he was Sage Rosenfels for one play and thought he was John Elway in Super Bowl XXXII, diving for a first down but getting crushed by 3 Colts defenders and losing the football.. this led to the second touchdown in the 21 point swing.. suddenly, Rosenfels remembered he was Sage Rosenfels and chased that fumble with two interceptions to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.. if it wasn't so funny i'd feel bad for the guy.. look for him to be bagging groceries at your Coborn's in the near future..

one of my favorite athletes right now is Manny Ramirez, currently of the Los Angeles Dodgers.. he's one of the best hitters in baseball but i don't care about that.. i care about the goofy things he does during games.. a few examples: while the pitching coach came to the mound, Manny retreated from his position in left field into the Green Monster at Fenway Park to go to the bathroom and barely made it back before play resumed.. cutting off a throw to the infield from the center fielder.. catching a fly ball by the left field wall, reaching into the stands and high-fiving a fan, then throwing the ball into the infield to record a double play.. recruiting his teammates after the game to help him look for the earring he lost while sliding into third base, the earring totalled $15,000.. plus, he pretty much wears his pajamas while playing.. if he comes back to the American League, it wouldn't surprise me to see him and Twins center fielder Carlos Gomez caught on camera playing patty-cake or hopscotch between innings.. Gomez is well on his way to being the next Manny Ramirez..

took in the mixed martial arts event on CBS this past weekend.. i still don't understand it:

"hey, what are you doing this weekend?"
"getting into a fist fight with a guy named Kimbo Slice.. you?"
"not that"

i don't understand how it can actually be legal.. these guys would be caught up against the cage and since they couldn't do anything else, they'd just stomp on each others bare feet.. i get misty eyed when i stub my toe on my bed, i don't think i'd be a good MMA fighter..

Sarah Palin is the hottest Vice Presidential candidate we've had in our nation's history.. that being said, she's basically George Bush with breasts.. i love watching her speeches with her big fake smile and the crowd cheering and booing accordingly to her statements, like she actually knows what she's saying.. if McCain is elected president and dies within 2 years, we're in deep trouble.. and that's entirely possible, i think McCain was Ben Franklin's roommate in college, so he can't be around much longer, can he? he probably just chose her as his running mate so he doesn't have to waste money on Viagra, he can just look at her.. smart campaign move..

this past weekend, the goal of my roommates was to get me to puke from drinking alcohol, which has never happened.. the result was me taking shots out of a wine glass and then skipping the wine glass altogether and having someone pour it down my throat.. somehow i still managed to destroy people in darts and sit in the hot tub without bouncing my head off the kitchen floor afterwards.. plus, i didn't puke, so i won :) i do remember saying "i can't even see right now" quite often, however.. solid..

came across an NBA game from the 1980's on ESPN Classic recently.. how did these guys play in shorts that short and tight? i mean, a belt would be roomier..

has anyone in the history of the world gotten ill from eating cookie dough? i think that's just a fib that mom's make up to keep kids from eating all the dough before it's baked.. i know i got that story when i was shoveling wooden spoonfuls of dough into my cheeks as a lil guy.. i want scientific proof and graphs and pie charts proving that eating raw cookie dough is harmful, until then i'm a non-believer..

speaking of moms, when i imply to my mom that i'm worried about my money situation, she'll somehow sneak a $20 bill into my checkbook when i'm not watching and i'll discover it when i get home.. then i'll call her and be like "did you put that in there?".. "yeah, i just don't like seeing you worrying about that".. love mom..

i know i've mentioned this guy in the past but he's been back in the news recently.. former Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry (of "9 kids with 9 different women" fame) has been arrested for trafficking cocaine recently.. some people just can't get out of their own way.. i'm going back to the more interesting story.. 9 kids with 9 different women?? this is nearly impossible to do even if you're trying.. you know how "i'm pregnant" is basically the worst nightmare of every single male in the world? it almost has to be to the point where he's disappointed if the girl isn't pregnant..

"umm, i'm pregnant"
"great! that's 7.. you're gonna keep it right? i got work to do.."

i know people make mistakes and get caught up in the moment and whatever.. but it's like a DUI.. you get one DUI and it should open your eyes that you made a mistake.. you get two and you better make some lifestyle changes.. three and you might as well stop drinking altogether.. the same thing could be said about having a baby out of wedlock.. once? alright you made a mistake and it cost you.. it should never EVER happen again, right? if i'd get to two kids out of wedlock, nevermind unprotected sex, i'm not running an unprotected errand.. what if you bump into someone at the grocery store and she gets pregnant? i wouldn't take that chance, it'd be: shower, brush teeth, put on condom, get dressed, leave.. how it happens 9 different times is beyond comprehension to me..

when i take off my shirt, i look just like Matt Damon in the "Bourne" movies..

remember pink slips in elementary school? the things you'd get if you were in trouble? well i remember getting two, both occurring at recess.. the first one happened while walking out to the playground in a single file line, like 7 year olds are capable of this.. anyway, some kid behind me said something that pissed me off, probably something like "i bet the Ultimate Warrior beats Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania" and i took offense and kicked him in the balls.. then i ran.. of course, the kid told on me and i got in trouble.. the second time was in the winter and i was all up owning the sledding hill.. the whistle blew, indicating the end of recess, but being the rebel that i am, i completely ignored it.. everyone else is walking into school but i'm having no part of whatever they taught us in first grade.. my "i didn't hear the whistle" excuse didn't hold water and i was able to bring home my second pink slip to my proud parents :)


Lyrics of the Week

"I'll Walk" by Bucky Covington

We were 18, it was prom night.
We had our first big fight.
She said "Pull this car over".
I did and then I told her, "I don't know what you are crying for".
I grabbed her hand, as she reached for the door.

She said, I'll walk.
Let go of my hand.
Right now I'm hurt, and you don't understand.
So just be quiet.
And later we will talk.
Just leave, don't worry.
I'll walk.

It was a dark night, a black dress.
Driver never saw her, around the bend.
I never will forget the call, or driving to the hospital
when they said her legs still wouldn't move.
I cried, when I walked into her room.

She said, I'll walk.
Please come and hold my hand.
Right now I'm hurt, and I don't understand.
Lets just be quiet, and later we can talk.
Please stay, don't worry.
I'll walk.

I held her hand through everything.
The weeks and months of therapy.
And I held her hand and asked her, to be my bride.
She's dreamed from a little girl, to have her daddy bring her down the aisle.
So from her wheelchair, she looks up to him and smiles.

And says, I'll walk.
Please hold my hand.
I know that this will hurt, I know you understand.
Please daddy don't cry.
This is already hard.
Let's go, don't worry.
I'll walk.


"Breathe (2 AM)" by Anna Nalick

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
whoa breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.


"Perfect Situation" by Weezer

What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation
I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing
and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.

Hungry nights, once again
Now it's getting unbelievable.
'Cause I could not have it better,
But I just can't get no play
From the girls, all around
As they search the night for someone to hold onto.
And I just pass through...

singing...
ooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhh oohh.
Singing...
ooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhh oohh.

Get your hands off the girl,
Can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this excess company.
Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has
And so she starts to wonder...
Can you blame her?

singing...
oooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhh oohh.
Singing...
oooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhh oohh.

Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth


"For You I Will" by Teddy Geiger

Wondering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will

Forgive me if I stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, i've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you

If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood I would
Shout out your name so it echos in every room
I would

That's what I'd do, That's what I'd do to get through to you


"Champagne High" by Sister Hazel

I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you
And I never thought it would hurt just to hear
"I do" and "I do"
And I do a number on myself
And all that I thought to be
And you'll be the one
That just left me undone
By my own, hesitation

and for the million hours that we were
well I'll smile and remember it all
then I'll turn and go
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.

Well I'm on a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high, high

Spring turned to summer
But then winter turned to mean
The distance seemed right
At the time it was best - to leave
And to leave behind
What I once thought was fine And so real - to me
And while I'm still gone
On the quest for my song
I'm at your - celebration

Your wagons been hitched to a star
Well now he'll be your thing that's new
Yeah what little I have you can borrow
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue...


"Ready And Waiting To Fall" by Mae

Drowning just as fast as I can
But don't throw me a line
Don't reach out your hand
'cause I'm on the brink of something beautiful
And I want to sing about it
But I don't know where to begin
Write a letter
But the words don't come out right
Try and explain how nobody can do me like
You don't understand how helpless I can get
Since the day that we met
Oh can you feel it yet?

It's never been more perfect being alive
I've never been so satisfied
Oh, oh, oh

I could feel something different from the first time
Heaven made sense
And all the words rhymed
No chance in stopping now
I'm taking it all
And now I'm caught in the air
It's a good glide
Pass it up, wouldn't dare
Oh, what a wild ride
I remember being ready
And waiting to fall
Just like I did tonight

Spinning around and around
Until my left was my right
And up became down
With just one look
You knocked me off of my feet
So unable to speak
Oh, how you made me weak
Though it was a while ago
I still can recall
That moment so ready
And waiting to fall
Can you take me back in time
Remembering when
You captured my heart
Over and over again

It's never been more perfect being alive
I've never been so satisfied
Oh, oh, oh!

I could feel something different from the first time
Heaven made sense
And all the words rhymed
No chance in stopping now
I'm taking it all
And now I'm caught in the air
It's a good glide
Pass it up, wouldn't dare
Oh, What a wild ride
I remember being ready
And waiting to fall
Just like I did tonight

Ready and waiting to fall