This post is being co-brought to you by everyone in Minnesota who immediately forgets how to drive the second a snowflake hits their car, and the woman who purchased two tins of Grizzly Wintergreen in front of me at the gas station last week.
I probably use chapstick too much for someone who hasn't kissed a gal in 5 months.
Someone should tell every farmer in northern Minnesota that their barn is collapsing.
People who preach "staying positive" sure spend a lot of time complaining about everything.
Kristen Stewart gives me anxiety.
I prefer reading over playing video games. What does this mean?
12:00a.m.: "I should go to bed."
2:10a.m.: "Fuck." - Me, every night
Al Lambert from "Step by Step" was the most underrated smokeshow of the TGIF era.
I'm single, so I'm allowed to say this: I've never seen anything as beautiful as a cloudless night sky in northern Minnesota.
How do guys that can't dance get girls to do naked things with them?
I love that my dad personally picks out jewelry for my mom every Christmas. This year it was a blue pearl necklace, because her favorite color is blue, of course. He and I also have a 15+ year streak going of guessing what's in our packages. Something the size of a shoe box is typically a "speedboat" or "pogo stick" or something that makes just as much sense. When we used to do gifts with our grandparents, he and I would guess things like "rollerblades" or "a snowboard" when they would open theirs. Romance and wit runs in the family :)
My sex playlist:
"My Two Left Feet" - Erick Baker
"Sorry, Blame it on Me" - Akon
"Remember to Breathe" - Dashboard Confessional
"Why Do They Leave?" - Ryan Adams
"I'm In a Hurry to Get Things Done" - Alabama
When I was a lil' guy, my cousins bet me to eat an entire raw onion. My reward: a beer. Keep in mind, at this point in my life I hated beer. The lesson, as always: I'm an idiot. And don't give in to peer pressure.
My "sleep number" is 6 Bacardi Torched Cherry's.
So "The Vow" is about a woman falling in love with a tall, dark, handsome man twice? Sounds so unrealistic. Where's the movie about the babe who falls in love with the 6'1" guy who likes pizza and blogging?
I used 4 different things as a napkin at Christmas.
Bringing gifts to the truck, I slipped on my pants and nearly tore my scrotum off my leg. #Rio2016
If a guy finds out he's "not the father" on national television, then starts dancing and chest-bumping other idiots, he probably should never be a father.
Heard a rumor on the radio that Ryan Reynolds may be in the Cities next week. Probably gonna meet him and exchange "handsome tips".
|My work Halloween costume this year. "Slutty basketball player."|
Following the lead of a buddy who stopped a police car in his gym parking lot to thank them for what they do, I saw two cops in Chipotle a couple weeks ago and thanked them. For those of you who don't necessarily know where I'm from, a cop was killed in my hometown about a month or so ago, and I can't imagine the amount of stress and anxiety they go through every time they go to work. Their families as well. They don't get paid nearly enough for what they do and the risks they take.. I just told them that I was from Cold Spring and that I wanted to thank them for the sacrifices and risks they take when they go to work every day/night. Small gesture, but it made me feel a bit better. (Side note: ignore the fact that my buddy was leaving a gym and I was inhaling burritos..)
My favorite is when guys tell me that my standards are too high, and then they drag home the annoying slut from the bar who can't read and proceed to pour her into their bed. Congrats bro, you did the same thing two other dudes did last weekend. Not for me. A girl I know described me as "the exact opposite of Tucker Max, but with the same writing skill.. and you're better looking too." (I'll take it?) For those of you who don't know Tucker Max, he's the author of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell", "Assholes Finish First", and "Hilarity Ensues". These books mainly depict his drunken adventures in college and trying to hook up with any girl who's still alive, only after ridiculing them and making them feel incredibly inferior. These books are all best-sellers and made him rich, I'm sure that's all he cares about..
Recently, I posted an opinion of mine on Facebook regarding the elementary school shooting in Connecticut on December 14th. It received a lot of positive feedback, so I wanted to post it here for others who didn't see it:
"I don't share my serious thoughts very often unless I'm passionate about the issue. Here are a few things that fit that description: family, America, and innocent children. I'm not political; my last three Google searches are 1. "Timberwolves TV schedule", 2. "Ron Pope lyrics", and 3. "Papa Johns".. I hate politics, and here's why: about 4% of people can speak their political views in a mature fashion. After the tragedies that rocked Connecticut, America and my hometown of Cold Spring, there were several suggestions on how we can "fix" this epidemic. Gun control? Easier and cheaper help for those with mental health issues? Ban violent video games? I don't know. I'm a man who owns a hunting rifle, has an anxiety disorder and played violent video games growing up. Not once have I had the desire to harm anyone. There are no blanket answers. But through social media, and the "real world", I see people calling others "idiots" for their suggestions on how to make America safer. I've seen people claim the president's speech was insincere and his tears were "fake." Democrat vs. Republican. Conservatives vs. Liberals. Mere days after 20 children and 6 adults were murdered. Is the most important thing being "right?" Is the most important thing to you winning a pissing match on social media? The most important part of the lives of 26 families were taken from them (December 14th). I have views that differ from others. I believe in God, that's a touchy subject. I believe that I'll see the Vikings win the Super Bowl in my lifetime. I believe it's okay to own multiple Taylor Swift cd's as a 29-year-old male. Not everyone shares these views. And you know what? That's okay! I will never ever mock or bash someone for their views. Maybe that's the first step to "fixing" these problems. Maybe we just start being nice to each other? And if anyone tries starting a political rant on this thread, I'm deleting it, that's not the purpose. Now, if you want to argue the best Taylor Swift song, you have my attention :) God bless the families affected in Newtown, CT and Tommy Decker's family. Be kind to each other, and let's figure out solutions as one group: Americans."
I'm going to add a bit to that. It blows my mind how people immediately decide that they don't like someone depending on their political affiliation. That is, without question, my biggest gripe about politics. Even political ads are almost always 100% bashing their opponent. I don't care what he or she sucks at, tell me what YOU'RE going to do and how YOU'RE going to do it. Don't come out and say, "when he/she was in office, we lost 19 million jobs, blah blah blah", while the other candidate says, "well actually, unemployment dropped while I was in office, blah blah blah." Both of you (hypothetically) have "statistics" to back yourself up, but obviously one of you is lying. So, essentially, our job as Americans is to pick who we think is telling the truth. It's hard to even vote based off of a politician's platform because you don't know if they actually want to accomplish this, or if they're just saying it to get the vote. That's why I hate politics and don't really try that hard to understand it.
The next part of the argument is religion. It really saddens me that religion and believing in God is so taboo in America in our era. I know there are a lot of people who are Christians and God-fearing, but are reluctant to voice it because of the mocking and bashing of non-believers and atheists. Which, again, I think is at the root at a lot of our issues as a country. I'm not saying atheists are the issue, let me make that clear. I'm saying the division of people who believe and who don't believe, and the amount of mocking and bashing that takes place only produces feelings of hatred. Why can't I have my beliefs without seeing countless articles, tweets, Facebook posts, etc. about how crazy I must be for believing in a God? I'm not writing articles, tweeting or posting about how sad it is that you think there isn't one. It's none of my business. I grew up Lutheran and was baptized as a baby. I went to a Lutheran church through elementary and middle school, and was confirmed Lutheran. Church was always boring to me as a kid. I've written a bit about this before, but what got me interested in church and God again was attending my brothers non-denominational church on a day they had an incredible motivational speaker. He related to me in that he kinda felt out of place growing up, dealt with some depression, and it moved me to the point that I wanted to find a church in the area. After two years of going to church, I've been baptized again (wanted to make a conscious, adult decision to give my life to God) and I can honestly say that it's changed my life in such a positive way. There is so much negativity in the world that it's just refreshing to get a positive message for an hour every week. I'm not saying it's for everybody. People have different beliefs, and there's nothing wrong with that. We'll all be judged for them someday. My belief is that there is a God, and I don't feel that I should have to apologize for that. Regardless of your religious beliefs, I think this country would be a lot better off if we were more accepting of others opinions, without the initial argument being "you're an idiot" if they disagree with you. If someones only argument to me is "you're an idiot, there's no way that's possible", I feel that I've won. If I disagree with someone, I do it respectfully and as maturely as I can. When it's over, I don't hate that person. I think hatred and the fear of being ridiculed is a big part of many of our problems as a country, and world, for that matter. In my opinion, we'd be a lot better off if we just accepted others and loved them..
Amanda Todd committed suicide on October 10th, 2012, as the result of bullying. She was a 15-year-old girl from Port Coquitlam, British Columbia, and her story has now gained worldwide recognition. If you haven't watched the YouTube video she made about a month before her death, I highly suggest it. I got teary watching it. It's called "My story: Struggling, bullying, suicide, self harm", it's about 9 minutes long, black and white, and she tells her story with flash cards. As a seventh grader, she had started meeting people online, including a man who pressured into flashing her chest. Initially, she refused, but after a year she relented. That man took the photo and, according to Todd, sent it to everyone she knew. Because of this, she was subjected to bullying online and in school, causing her severe anxiety and depression, and to experiment with drugs, alcohol, cutting and an attempted suicide. She was beaten by a girl at school who was dating a guy that had showed interest in Todd, and left in a ditch for her father to retrieve. When she got home, she saw comments online like, "She deserved it." "Did you wash the mud out of your hair?" "I hope she's dead." Seeing this, she said she "wanted to die so bad" and drank bleach, needing to go to the hospital to get her stomach pumped. Students in her school would post pictures of ditches online, and suggest she "try a different bleach." Eventually, she committed suicide because of the bullying. I know she's not the first person to do this. But one person who ends their life voluntarily because death seems favorable to living with the abuse? That's one too many.
So many thoughts ran through my head as I watched her video, and then did a little research on the story. I thought of how many times in my life have I made fun of someone. How many times did I put someone down for the sake of getting a laugh? How many times has someone gone home and cried because of something I've said? I'd like to say that number is zero, but I'm not sure. I may not have said things to someones face, but I've definitely done it out of earshot. And I hate that I've done it. I also thought about how I was bullied at times when I was younger. Not nearly to the extent of Amanda Todd, of course, but it did happen. Mainly acne-related. I can recall being called "pizza face" on the bus. This is embarrassing, but all through high school I used my sisters makeup before going to school to make the acne less noticeable. I don't know if she knows that. A large part of the reason I would wear a hat is because it covered up part of my face. I had awful self-esteem, and it's still not the greatest.
Just recently, for the very first time in my life, I asked a girl out face-to-face. It was at church, and I had kind of planned on doing it the entire night (actually for a few weeks cause I thought she was cute, so I was trying to talk myself into the possibility that I might not die if I chatted with her). Of course, I was drenched in sweat by the time I did it after church. But Cute Church Gal (as she was known as to my sister before I found out her name) said "yes". When we got coffee later in the week, I talked with her a little bit about my anxiety and depression issues, because ultimately it's what lead me to church. I told her that, in a way, I think my poor self-esteem made my personality what it is. I know I'm a good person who treats people right. I think I can be funny and witty at times and make people feel good about themselves. A lot of that stems from my belief that it's the only way people will like me. I had such a negative view of my appearance, that I felt I needed to be nice and funny to have any chance. So when I saw this story about Amanda Todd, it broke my heart a little bit. There is no worse feeling in the world than to feel all alone, that you don't fit in anywhere, and that you have no one on your side. To have that feeling be so strong that you decide to end the pain by ending your life.. it's just overwhelming to me. I don't have kids, but when I do, I'm going to stress very hard the importance of treating others with respect and kindness. I'm also going to let them know every day how important they are and how much I love them. I don't want them to be on either side of a story like this. I think the world would be a better place if more parents did that..
I've mentioned several times about how my best friend is my twin sister. She knows things that no one else in the world knows about me. She's been instrumental in helping me through my times of anxiety and depression, and she's encouraging in my effort to become closer to God. Since we share the same birthday, we never get each other a gift or a card, it's just never been something we've done. But in June, I wanted to let her know exactly how much she means to me, so I gave her a card when we went out to dinner with our parents. Of course, it made her cry. It also made her get me a card as well. The next night that I worked, I came out to an envelope on my windshield that said "Dano" on it. I knew it was from her, no one else calls me that, other than her friends who've just followed her lead. I hope she doesn't mind, but I kept that card, and I'd like to share a little bit about what she wrote to me. The message on the actual card is perfect, it reads: (Front) "Happy Birthday, Brother. From Your Sister." (Inside) "I'm thinking of the two of us and remembering everything we've seen and done, everywhere we've been, and all the things we've shared... Sometimes I took care of you, sometimes you took care of me, and it didn't matter who was older or younger, only that we were brother and sister... That's why on your birthday, I'm feeling lucky to have you as a brother - and every luckier to have you as a friend. Love you." She wouldn't have had to write anything, that sums up our relationship pretty well. But she went on to write:
"Dano, so glad I get to share my birthday with someone as awesome as you. I am not as good with words as you are, but I want you to know that you are, and will always be my best friend. Growing up, we were not always the best of friends, but I am so happy we grew close like we are. I know you felt like you didn't always fit in, but you did. I know you won't believe me, but a lot of times I felt the same way. I am very glad to see you are more outgoing the last couple times I've gone out with you - you have nothing to worry about! You are the funniest, nicest, most encouraging and supportive guy I know. It will all fall into place - you'll see! I am always here for you with you need to chat about stuff and get it off your chest. I will always have your back - you have a soft spot in my heart and I will beat up anyone who tries to hurt you :) Seriously, when you hurt, I hurt - let's be positive! I'm so proud of the people we have become and I am blessed to have the brothers I do and the parents we have. Love you lots, Dano! -Nik"
I'm actually tearing up a bit from that.. My sister is pretty f'ing cool..
Earlier this year, a buddy posted this article that he had found online and I found it interesting. It's titled "How to Be 'Manly'". Here's the link: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/03/12-things-every-guy-should-master-to-become-a-real-man/ and the text: